<!DOCTYPE html>
<html>
<head>
<meta charset="UTF-8">
<title>A Forever Home by Nanners (nanjcsy)</title>
<style type="text/css">

body { background-color: #ffffff; }
.CI {
text-align:center;
margin-top:0px;
margin-bottom:0px;
padding:0px;
}
.center   {text-align: center;}
.cover    {text-align: center;}
.full     {width: 100%; }
.quarter  {width: 25%; }
.smcap    {font-variant: small-caps;}
.u        {text-decoration: underline;}
.bold     {font-weight: bold;}
</style>
</head>
<body>
<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/27746017">A Forever Home</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/nanjcsy/pseuds/Nanners'>Nanners (nanjcsy)</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Game of Thrones (TV)</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Alcohol, Blame TommyGinger, Brats - Freeform, Dark Comedy, Foster Care, Heavy Petting, Implied/Referenced Incest, Inheritance, Mean Girls, Orphans, Pacts, Parental Death, References to Drugs, Rich spoiled kids acting like rich spoiled kids, Thramsay - Freeform, trying something a bit different for a change</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>In-Progress</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-11-28</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2021-01-10</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-18 07:40:52</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Mature</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>Major Character Death, Rape/Non-Con</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>25</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>32,025</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/27746017</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/nanjcsy/pseuds/Nanners</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>Ned and Cat, Robert and Cersei. Roose Bolton and Bethany, Euron Greyjoy<br/>There was once a small period of time where they were content, happy even. Let's take that to modern times and let's make these crazy kids dreamers, if just for a moment. Maybe they made some pacts with each other. Promises to be kept. Concerning children. Imagine if any of these parents died later on? What if the lawyer wasn't someone to be trusted? Get ready for some tragedy, fun and chaos.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>207</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>16</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>1. Drunk Promises and Shady Lawyers</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><ul class="associations">
      <li>For <a href="https://archiveofourown.org/users/Tommyginger/gifts">Tommyginger</a>.</li>



    </ul><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Killer by The Ready Set</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>There was a day when Robert was the best friend of all best friends with Ned. Both had been rich spoiled boys with arranged marriages and mergers to come. Robert was a faithful, healthy husband and loving father to his firstborn son. Those days when Ned and his own wife were happy and expecting a second child. Before Ned went off and returned with another baby and having his love life turn frigid. Before the days when Robert turned fat and the only thing left he shared with his wife was the wine, wills were signed.</p><p>
  <strong> <em>Robert and Ned did not involve their wives in this, they went to the finest lawyer to have it done. Petyr Baelish had been a professor part time at the law school that they all had attended. The middle aged lawyer/professor was thrilled to help them. It was written that if Robert and Cersei died, the Starks would raise their children. If Ned and Cat died, the Baratheons would raise the Stark children. <br/>
</em> </strong>
</p><p>That was the same day when Roose and Euron made a similar pact. "M' brother is killin' his liver and his kids at the same rate. I hope he wins the race to the watery grave first. I wouldn't mind taking my niece and nephew on my ship but its no place fer kids! You have a stable home, Bethany and Domeric, nice and homey, right? Here tonight, while we finish our last drinks before I head out on the seas, let's make each other a promise! If Balon dies while I am gone, you'll take in those kids for me! And if you and yer wife die...I will take yer Domeric and any others t' raise!"</p><p>
  <em><strong>Roose was pleasantly sauced, believed in forever and always looking for a new scam. "I accept, Euron." The same lawyer was used. Petyr Baelish chuckled as he wrote down that if Roose died, Euron would gain custody of his children. If Balon died, Roose Bolton would care and foster the Greyjoy children until Euron could come home.</strong> </em>
</p><p>Petyr had truly been elated. The Stark had been an officious lumbering prick who interfered in his seduction of his favorite student, Catelyn. Robert stole Cersei from Petyr's counsel. The idiot turned a studious queen into another blonde socialite. Robert barely passed the bar exam and Ned was exactly average in everything. He wasn't known for his academics but for his sports. Catelyn and Cersei passed but only practiced until they married and had children. Then they were too busy with children and being socialites. Their husbands were left to make their mistakes and secrets.</p><p>All it took was a night of heavy drinking during Lysa's wedding to her arranged husband (who was a little older and gruffer than she expected). Fate was heavy and Petyr was gleaming while he encouraged the silly young men and women to make such a stupid pact. Petyr was wild with hurt and revenge. How dare Jon Arryn turn Petyr down for a job and give it to Cersei Lannister? He created this woman, tutored her and Robert just wiped out her flame. How dare Tywin Lannister refuse to interview Petyr but hire Ned Stark, that lumbering boy who stole the woman that Petyr should have as a mistress?</p><p>Maybe if Euron hadn't been the one to spill his disgusting drink on Petyr without apologizing. Maybe if Bethany didn't try to black mail him, maybe if Roose didn't taunt Petyr during class. Filled with spite and eating it like candy, thriving on it, Petyr played with inheritances and wording like gum. Petyr dared to do this because it never truly occurred to him that any of these young vibrant pretty twenty somethings would die anytime before he did. Reality only came to Petyr when he needed it, he saw thousands of possibilities at once. He was cold hearted enough to not care if they did die.</p><p>The first shock was Bethany dying and in such a strange shocking way. They were all at the Dreadfort, that rather dreary looking village. There was something secretive and gloomy about it that makes one instantly feel cold. No matter how close to one of their fireplaces that one got, one never truly warmed up. The only good thing about Bethany inviting everyone over for Domeric's birthday every year, was it was in the summer. Roose usually would hire a clown that made the younger kids cry. Domeric was only ten and his little brother was only six when Bethany died.</p><p>Cersei, Lysa, and Cat were discussing how coldly Bethany treated Ramsay compared to her own son. It was true that Ramsay was rather rude and wild but Bethany should stop abusing the little one. That's when Cersei smiled slyly and nodded gracefully towards Cat. "Dearest Cat would know, I trust her words on this! After all, Cat hates Jon but manages to keep him as well kept as the other children. You don't have to love a child to raise it." Raising her chin high, Cat looked down her nose at the blonde. Lysa smirked, feeding off the energy as Cat spoke with a jagged icicle in every word.</p><p>"Thank you, Cersei. What a lucky woman I am to have a friend like you! To remind me of my little mistakes and help keep me humble. How's Jaime been, by the way? The only time I see him anymore is when I visit you on book club day?" Lysa was fully enjoying this while nibbling on a little carefully crafted pink gold dusted cupcake. She almost didn't see the bright red go plonk onto the pink tiny masterpiece. They all looked up to see Bethany swaying, red streaming from her nose and ears. Roose screamed for someone to call 911 as he clutched his crumpling with wife. </p><p>Domeric's screams and wails were gut wrenching and even the coldest of women got tears in their eyes. Cersei caught the smirk on Ramsay's face. She said nothing because she wasn't the only one to see it. Her father Tywin Lannister saw it and so did Euron and Theon Greyjoy. "I wish yer sister didn't run off before I got home. At least you have me t' take you around and let you be social! Pirates r' social creatures on land!" Theon stuck out his chest to imitate his uncle but he shivered under the long finger nails that caressed his neck. "M' sorry the lady is dead. Can we go, Uncle? This is boring."</p><p>That earned Theon a smack that stung tears into his eyes and a command to apologize. It also cost the gaze of Ramsay Bolton. He stared at the squirming blustering kid and he got a look on his face that scared Theon a little. The ambulance came for the host's dead wife, the crying Domeric was taken away while nannies rushed to take the other kids to their safe comfy homes. Petyr had been enjoying the mild dramas when Bethany just died suddenly of an embolism. Once he got home, Petyr laughed and laughed until he coughed up blood.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>Please follow me on my patron page! it helps me continue writing these stories.<br/>https://www.patreon.com/nannerverse</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0002"><h2>2. Man Behind The Curtain</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>Pon De Replay by Rhianna</p>
          </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Petyr was satisfied that time and business caused the families to grow apart and no longer use each other as a confident. Petyr was ready and willing to take over that spot as much as he could. Family friend of everyone, a basic lawyer that does things that might need to stay private. Petyr happily played with the wills even more after the death of Bethany. He knew the odds of another of them dying was slim but just in case.</p><p>Therefore Petyr was very excited when Cat's sister, Lysa expressed romantic interest in Petyr. It was after a rather bad timed visit to congratulate Lysa on a won lawsuit Petyr had filed for her. Poor Petyr wanted to run when Lysa hit her baby in the head for biting her nipple. The poor woman was overwrought and understaffed that day. Petyr had come to visit just in time to treat the tiny creature. Lysa had taken to shrieking and sobbing, "Oh god, I killed my baby! Gods, strike me dead, I didn't mean to do it! Ah, Petyr, tell me he isn't dead, please, is he breathing?"</p><p>Lysa seemed to feel that Petyr saved her child's life when the baby filled its lungs and whooped. Petyr was stunned when he lifted the child in concern. Filling with horror, Petyr noticed the kid wasn't a baby, just a stunted boy. What has Lysa done? As a friend of the family, Petyr discreetly went to Cat and explained the situation. Properly concerned, Cat went over to Lysa's high rise and charged into the penthouse.</p><p>"Are you crazy? Why don't you feed that boy real food? Are you ASKING for child services to show up? You can't feed the kid nothing but breast milk over guilt. Lysa, Robin isn't weak, he's just got a hot mess for a mother. Okay, last chance or I tell Edmund. Fine." Edmund showed up not long after and blustered ineffectively. Cat wrenched the babe away from Lysa while the white coated men dragged her to a five star clinic.</p><p>Edmure offered to take the boy since Cat already had Robb, Jon, Sansa and Bran. Cat kept trying to call her brother in law, but Lysa's husband Jon often went under cover for work. Jon liked to travel incognito so he could get a sense of his underlings. He was unreachable. Edmure lasted with the Robin for three weeks before Cat came to visit and leave with the boy.</p><p>"How dare you keep him in diapers rather than train him to use the bathroom! You are useless, Edmure!" Robin wasn't easy for Cat. Ned taught Robin how to use a toilet and Cat taught him some manners. Jon Arryn came home from his various travels just as Lysa came out of the institution, still humming from electricity. Robin returned home and within a month Jon Arryn was dead.</p><p>The older man had no idea that someone slipped the DO NOT ENTER sign from one elevator to the other. A prank that proved quite harmful when a half asleep Jon, stepped down into dark nothing. Lysa hummed to his scream and twitched only a little at the thud. Petyr praised her for her intuition even as he cringed at his own resolution to marry such a crazed woman. And to have to raise that spoiled messed up kid?</p><p>Maybe he could talk Lysa into a boarding school? Petyr married her, again Lysa had an older man. This one did not travel as much, he showed more than the mild interest Jon had for their son. Petyr did spend time trying to convince Lysa to loosen up on the kid. And that was that. Time would pass and Petyr's mess would never be discovered. But he had daydreams as he remained a "good family friend" to all of these rich families.</p><p>Dreams of the white teethed lovely mean masks being shattered in slow motion due to him. It could be a wet dream or a metaphor, he didn't care. Petyr didn't like children, especially the children he was closest around. The only child he has ever enjoyed being with was Sansa. Polite, pretty like her mother and very graceful and smart, she was a favorite of her Uncle Benjen and Petyr. It was disgustingly clear why they wished to be her favorites.</p><p>Cat taught Sansa to be polite but very, very distant to her usually drunk Uncle Benjen. She gave the same advice about Uncle Petyr. "Just because he is your father's lawyer and my friend doesn't mean he's anything more than an uncle to you. Treat him like you do Uncle Benjen, Sansa." Petyr didn't mind that advice since it only made little Sansa more curious.</p><p>He leaped to mentor that mindful beauty and he was the one to tell Cat of Benjen's filthy plans for the little girl. When Ned heard that Petyr was telling tales of shame about his brother, he broke Petyr's nose. Cat went into Benjen's room and found her daughter's panties with a smear of semen on them under the unmade bed. Ned broke Benjen's right hand and wrist then banned him from the family home. And Petyr was trusted more.</p><p>Inched in just a bit further and began to tutor Sansa as he could. Lysa took it as a sign of his excellent parentage until Sansa turned eleven and suddenly shot up, developing early signs of curves. That's when Lysa started to become jealous and Cat became cautious. Ned spoke with Petyr and decided that the older man just wished to share his past teaching days with Sansa who was considering being a lawyer someday.</p><p>"Ladies, leave the old lech alone. He's not drooling over my daughter, he's mentoring her." Oh, how enraged Petyr became when he saw that moron Robert dare to pair his sadistic twit of a son with Sansa. That buffoon Ned actually agreed with it. Only the women seemed to see it for the bad idea that it was. But Ned and Robert came clamoring to Petyr to set some marriages for the future. The one that blinded him with fury was Joffery and Sansa. It sickened him to see that the ladies weren't going to fight harder against such a disastrous idea.</p><p>That's when Petyr saw he would have to interfere further.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0003"><h2>3. Collection Day</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>The Show by Lenka<br/>Bitch Better Have My Money by Rhiana</p>
          </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>A squirrel scurried into the cul-de-sac and twitched it's little nose before nearly turning itself inside out due to a sparkler landing too close to the bushy tail. Another squirrel came by and hurried the stunned one away, chattering up at a roof the whole time. Bran and Arya giggled while little Rickon raged against the open window just too high for him to climb out of. High fiving against the sun rise and against the army of red squirrels that plague the neighborhood, the kids slipped back inside.</p><p>Just in time to receive a few choice swats from their tired and frustrated mother. "I appreciate the help against the squirrels but stay off the fucking roof!" Cat tossed cereal at the children, argued with Sansa over her allowance, fed the baby and made Ned's lunch. All before finishing her first cup of coffee. Ned praised his wife and kissed her with all the passion of a parrot. He then eyed the teenage boys just showing to the table. Robb and Jon peered up at Ned without emotion.</p><p>"Gloom and Doom, try and help out your mother today. For teaching the little ones how to fight squirrels on the roof, you are both grounded. That means no visiting with Jeyne and Ygritte or your buddies. That means your Saturday doesn't leave this house so you might as well help out your mother. I would help her myself if I didn't have a hunting date with Robert already planned. We are teaching his nephew Lancel how to hunt his first boar today." Bran and Arya looked at the clock then at each other while fastening the helmets their mother insisted on. "Paper route time! Its Collection Day!"</p><p>Sansa was shoved out of the way as Arya and Bran ran out the door. Snarling a little, Sansa took out her ire where she could. "Father, you really must be distracted today. You just referred to OUR mother as Jon's mother. She might actually hurt you for that." Cat's hand hit Sansa's bottom once and the girl was mortified as she flounced out of the room. "I HATE YOU! I HATE ALL OF YOU!" Jon silently slunk away into the depths of the house and no one seemed to expect anything different. Robb stared at his parents in disgust. "Both of you suck. Two more years and I'm gone forever!"</p><p>Ned left as Gilly entered the Stark home. With a wry smirk, the flannel clad young woman lifted up Rickon and handed Cat her usual tiny pill. "Rickon can help me vacuum the stairs while you take a small break, Mrs. Stark." Sighing, rubbing her hand against her pounding headache, Cat headed back to bed for a little bit. "The Mafia twins are on their paper route, it's Collection Day." Gilly tsked and shook her head. "Those poor rich folks..."</p><p>Roose looked up at the clock and sighed, closing his eyes as he heard the sound of thundering clumsy feet over his head. Domeric grinned at his father as he thanked the maid who brought his food. "It's Collection Day and I heard Ramsay talking about a new trap." Shaking his head, Roose snapped softly, "Why can't we just pay the children and make them go away? One day it will go too far and Ramsay's dogs will maul those kids. Do you know what trouble that would bring?" Domeric shrugged and asked if his father wanted to bet on who wins. Roose's voice raised slightly. "No."</p><p>Black bikes with orange flames carefully painted on them, black wicker baskets with silver glitter skulls upon them flew down the pavement. Both shrieked to a halt long before the silver wire that Ramsay and Damon set up for them. There were two wires actually, one meant to knock the rider off the bike and another meant to decapitate. It was an excellent try that would excite any therapist had Ramsay or Damon ever seen one. But Bran and Arya weren't strangers to the sadistic boys.</p><p>Dropping the bikes in unison, the kids staring directly ahead at Damon and Ramsay, who came out of the trees frustrated.  Bran and Arya swung the Super Soakers to their fronts and released huge streams of deer urine, stolen from Ned's hunting backpack. Disgusted and soaked, the teenage boys lunged for the kids and caught themselves in their own trap. Enraged and entangled, they screeched swears while Bran dodged past to the house. Domeric gave the boy his usual amount plus tip. "Excellent! Glad you got through this week."</p><p>Arya kept the boys at a stalemate by holding up her mother's nail gun. "I am not like my brother. I am not smart, I am sly just like my sister says I am. I am not threatening you. It's a fact, a promise. I'm gonna nail the first one who moves. You might get loose and kill me but not until I make you really hurt!" Damon and Ramsay glared at the brat but knew they were beat for the day. "That's okay, little crotch-goblin! We will get you when you least expect it! High School gets different days off than middle school and grade school. We will sneak in and break your little bones!"</p><p>"I am the fastest fifth grader in the whole school! And Bran is in Honor Society in eight grade, you just can't manage it. Plus! Your dad would skin you alive if you hurt little kids." Ramsay narrowed his eyes and gave her a smile that suddenly scared Arya. "I would dare a lot more than you'd guess. Fuck off while you still can, little girl. RUN AWAY!" Arya sucked in her breath then spit into his face. Damon gave a sad little shake of his head. "Welp, you are going to have to die now, kid. Arya, for real, I'd run if I were you. Get on your bike, I am NOT joking, fucking GO!"</p><p>Bran came back just as Ramsay and Damon were untangling themselves. "Bran, your stupid sister just spit into Ram's face! You'd better move! I don't want to kill kids and go to jail today if you don't mind!" Bran grabbed Arya and they got on their bikes. Going into light speed, it still took them a few minutes to outrace the pissed teenagers. "Damn, that's close! Arya, you can't be so aggressive with crazy kids! Ramsay will skin you alive like he did to our cat! That was his price for the last time we got past him and you taunted him! Now he's going to kill us!"</p><p>Arya sneered. "Don't assume that I'm not just as crazy as he is. I think I am, mother thinks I am and Dad takes me hunting all the time! I'm a great shot, you know! Even without Dad's help, I can bring down a bear!" Bran made a face as they wheeled straight home to get their dogs as extra insurance against enemies. Sansa was wearing her worst outfit which matched Arya's best outfit. The redhead was grooming Lady and pouted at her siblings. "You both smell awful! Oh my god! Did you use Dad's deer pee again? He thought he lost it. Gross. He's going to strap you when he gets back."</p><p>Bran released two immense dogs from the large backyard. Sansa arched an eyebrow. "What did you do? Why do you need your dogs for Collection Day?" Arya stuck out her tongue. "You'll just tell on us. Getting parents involved is gross." Sansa sighed. "Fine, I promise not to tell. You do stupid things all the time, if I told them everything you'd be grounded forever." Bran spoke as Arya opened her mouth. "She spit on Ramsay Bolton. Now he and Damon are gonna kill us."</p><p>Tywin, Jaime and Tyrion took discreet glances at the grandfather clock as they ate breakfast served by two maids. Finally Tyrion said it. "They are late." Clattering his spoon onto his fruit dish in irritation, Tywin blustered as if he didn't care. "Well, maybe their shenanigans finally got them in trouble. It would be refreshing to have a paper not sent to our porch by arrow! Or if they just got their payment at the door like normal paperboys!" Jaime grinned. "Oh come on, father. We are a rather boring bachelor pad. This is the most excitement we get here."</p><p>Tywin thundered, "I want my paper, not excitement!" Tyrion snorted as he finished swallowing a sausage. "Father, we are aware that excitement is an emotion which is something you aren't familiar with but I for one love it! I relish creative juices in such a dry boring home!" Tywin sat back down and Arya handed him his coffee. "Thank you, Arya. I just-ARGH!" With a polite smile, the girl asked for her due while Bran left their papers in Tywin's study.  </p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0004"><h2>4. Ups and Downs</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>Bad Girl by Girls Love Shoes<br/>Disturbia by Rhianna</p>
          </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Cat wasn't the only one having a full morning and in need of some help. While Robert lay upon her the night before, drunk and heaving to completion, calling her by some whore's name, Cersei was already planning her next step. As soon as her husband was slumbering, Cersei got up to give herself a fast but thorough shower. Tossing on a negligee, fish nets and a long chinchilla coat, Cersei drove herself to Lancel's houseboat. They had wild sex in the wee hours of the morning. Lancel was having trouble with performance, he was worried about today's hunting plans.</p><p>Sleeping with her younger cousin didn't bring her much excitement, Jaime was much more fun but Cersei had a itch. It needed scratching or rather killing. Cersei has been having this discussion with Lancel for months along with mind-blowing (for him) sex. But now the plans have finalized and would happen once sun rises. "Listen to me, Lancel, dear heart. We can continue our relationship, yes, but first I need you to prove yourself to me. Stop hiding and kill Robert so I can finally tell the family and children of us. You do still love me, don't you, Lancel?"</p><p>Cersei took out the poison that she borrowed from Petyr Baelish, the man who can find anything. "Lancel, this is the real magic right here. Remember, keep them drinking this in wine and then lead them into the danger zone, okay? It's very simple and I know you can do this, love. For me, right?" Cersei used her mouth one last time and Lancel cried when he came. Cersei had to stifle disgusted laughter. Cersei went home but masturbated on the way, coming to a climax in her own driveway, thinking of her husband's impending death.</p><p>Petyr had been so grateful that he had managed to walk in on Robert's handiwork one day. "My best student, the best attorney I know sporting a black eye from her husband? Tell me, Cersei, how long has this continued? Allow me to help you, tell me how to assist you, Cersei? The children must be aware of the abuse going on." Cersei had dabbed her fake tears delicately. "He does it to the children if I am not careful to shield them. Robert gets drunk and loves to take it out on poor little Joff!" Petyr wanted to ask if this was the same Joff who stomped on Myrcella's hamster and drowned Tommen's cat?</p><p>Of course, it was actually Lysa who handed the poison to Cersei for him. The crazed woman had an unhealthy loyalty and obsession to her husband and son. Lysa never got over the guilt of asking similar poison from Petyr years back. When she had discovered she was pregnant with Robyn, Lysa wanted to get an abortion. Jon said no and she asked Petyr for the poison to kill herself and her pregnancy. It failed and that was the start of Lysa gaining a paralyzing and crazed guilt. Petyr never felt guilt over it but he did wish Robin not to die on his watch. He kept the boy from Lysa's worst moods.</p><p>As the sun turned bright gold and started to sneak into the blinds, Cersei entered the house and slipped into her house caftan, making a messy bun on her head. A maid brought her coffee while the nannies set out fruit, eggs and breakfast meat. Robert came down dressed in his hunting gear, yelling about his gear. "Joff! Where are you, little shit! I know you borrowed my crossbow again!" Cersei said nothing when Robert gave Joff a whack and took back his crossbow. "Don't worry, love, Mommy will buy you your own."</p><p>Cersei comforted Joff while Robert inhaled breakfast and left the house. He gave his wife a kiss that she gracefully accepted on her cheek. Tommen and Myrcella were chattering high pitched and excited about some game they were playing with their friends later. Cersei tiredly nodded then reminded the nannies to allow the children their usual free time before they made the kids lunch. Cersei gave some money to the nannies and told them to buy the kids lunch at their favorite pizzeria today. Cersei went back to bed with a bottle of wine and her favorite brand of aspirin.</p><p>Cersei slept for a few hours before her hairdresser's appointment. While her children were driving their nannies mad at the pizza place, while her oldest son was trying to show off for Sansa by beating up a neighbor boy, Cersei went on a shopping spree. Cersei made it home just as the kids all did, including Joff who dragged Sansa in for snacks and heavy petting. Cersei heard the doorbell ring and answered it, surprised. "Uncle Kevan?" The angry revulsion on his face alarmed her more than anything else could have.</p><p>"You cursed afterbirth! You always say the grotesque is Tyrion but I think it's you! Lancel confessed to me and I have sent him to a missionary to atone! Your husband is safely hunting boar with Ned. I should tell on you but I won't as long as you leave your cousin alone! I never wanted to believe the rumors of you and Jaime. Now I know they are true, filthy woman! Good day to you." Cersei locked her door and went upstairs to scream into her pillow then drink until she passed out.</p><p>Theon had spent years dreaming of murdering his father. The man has been an abusive drunk and not once has shown Theon a shred of love or care. Usually he only showed Theon his fists or a belt. Yara got worse, Theon knew what happened in her bedroom once his father locked himself in with her. Over the years her pleas and screams grew less and less. Today there was a new kind of silence behind Yara's door. After the one gunshot that made Theon jump, there was a deeper kind of silence. Theon broke down the door to find his father's head shot and Yara's window left open.</p><p>Theon didn't cry for his father or his sister but for his all alone self. Where was he going to go until Uncle Euron returned from his latest voyage? He might have run away himself if Petyr hadn't been pulling into the driveway. Turns out that Yara had called their lawyer after she killed their father. Petyr agreed that Yara should run away before she got put in jail for murder. With a sneer, Petyr called Roose before he drove to the Greyjoy home. Roose finally had the leverage he needed.</p><p>"Ramsay, do you still wish for the Greyjoy boy? Then you will leave the Starks alone, hear me? I want you to keep your promise or I'll kill your boy!" Ramsay was so excited that he promised. Damon drove him to the pet store to buy a cage and some other needed supplies. </p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0005"><h2>5. Doggie</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>The Bad Touch by Bloodhound Gang</p>
          </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Petyr brought Theon into his heated car and offered the boy some hard strawberry flavored candies. "You are a very lucky boy, Theon. Your Uncle Euron set up your protection should your father ever die. You will reside with the Boltons until Euron can be reached, then he will come for you! You don't have to try and fight your way into foster care, you have a loving home all ready for you." Theon felt shocked, suspicious and very unlucky indeed.</p><p>Even though his father had been a worthless drunk, the fishing company he owned with his brothers which had still been running. Until Euron or Yara returns, everything technically was Theon's. Fifteen was too young to run a company and luckily there was Petyr and Roose to help out. Theon wasn't that stupid no matter what his father and the bullies at school said. Sure, schoolwork was a bit difficult and he thought slow.</p><p>He wasn't actually dumb. Theon was suspicious of everything and everyone with good reason. Roose used to run some of the Boy Scout meetings and was always cold and creepy. Domeric was very nice and Ramsay had always been a bully. He bullied everyone but Theon always got worse. If Ramsay was forcing kids to eat cold snow until they vomited, then he made Theon eat frozen dog shit.</p><p>Why would they want to foster him? Theon shivered at Dreadfort and reluctantly walked to the Boltons door. It opened and Theon screamed as Ramsay and Damon yanked him inside. Roose came to the door to smile at Petyr. "Thank you very much for this unexpected gift. If the girl does return, bring her to me." Roose invited Petyr inside so they could discuss the plans they had for Theon's inheritance.</p><p>They had to talk a little louder than usual, even after they brought their coffee into the private office. Following Roose's advice, Ramsay's first act was to give his pet his first bath. Then he would introduce the collar and cage. It sounded like a kraken fighting two wolves, it sounded like a narwhal battle to the death. As Roose and Petyr went into the study they caught a quick glimpse of a naked and soaked Theon trying to run down the hallway.</p><p>Theon emitted a screech that could kill dolphins when Ramsay and Damon came thundering after him. Roose and Petyr were shaking hands and signing papers while Theon was wrestled into a dog collar and dragged to a cage for a mid sized dog. Theon could kneel, turn and lay down or sit in the cage, not room for much more. Ramsay had thoughtfully added a bright pink rubber matt, a water bottle wired to the inside of the cage.</p><p>There was a small pink dog dish for food but Theon had enough to deal with. He screamed, kicked the cage, swearing. Wore himself out trying to find a way out and pleading with Ramsay and Damon to release him. Damon poked at him through the cage with a huge smile. Ramsay stared at Theon as if trying to understand him and that freaked him out worse.</p><p>"Are you fucking deaf? Please, Ramsay, I am a person, you can't keep me in a cage. What will your father think?" Ramsay watched as Theon's thin fingers wrapped around the silver bars. Ramsay's voice was soft but clear and dangerous. "Don't grab my bars like that. I don't like it. Fingers inside." Theon slammed his head into the bars but he pulled his hands inside. Ramsay watched and waited, grinning, knowing the first lesson was coming.</p><p>Sure enough, Theon's fingers wrapped around the bars again. Ramsay lunged forward and bit hard into Theon's left middle finger. Screaming, Theon tried to pull his hands back inside. Ramsay's teeth were secure around the finger and sinking deeper, blood spurting. Damon pretended sympathy but mean laughter won out. Releasing Theon's finger, allowing it to slip inside the cage and curled into Theon's heaving chest. "YOU BIT ME!"</p><p>Ramsay licked the blood from his lips and grinned maniacally at Theon. "I warned you. Remember? I gave one simple rule and you broke it. This bloody wound on your finger is your own fault. I was clear telling you to keep your hands inside the bars. Wasn't I? Should have listened. You need to learn how stupid and stubborn you are. How it gets you into such trouble. You aren't a person anymore. Least not during home hours, you are my doggie!"</p><p>Theon stuck out his chin and chest. "I am Theon Greyjoy, not a damned dog! I won't play your sick games anymore!" Theon tried to rip the collar off and suddenly his world exploded into terrifying chaos. Damon flung open the crate door and ripped Theon out while Ramsay grabbed a flexible black thin stick. While Damon hooted, Ramsay beat the naked boy until he was striped purple and begging hoarsely.  </p><p>Afterwards, Ramsay leaned over the sobbing, cringing boy and whispered, "You made me do this to you. Are you a masochist? Why are you rebelling when I am offering you a good home?" Damon cheerfully knelt next to them and dreamily suggested, "Sometimes when dogs are too rowdy or disobedient, they neuter them. It helps with running away too." Theon almost fainted at the considering look in Ramsay's eyes.</p><p>"No! Wait, please! Don't do that to me, I'm begging you! Ramsay, please don't! I..I'll be your dog, okay? Just don't neuter me!" Ramsay and Damon grinned at each other. "You promise? Let's make a deal then! You play the dog for me and the foster boy for my brother and father. And I won't cut off your parts. If you rebel, I take a testicle. You run away, I take your cock. Get it? Fun game, a family game, welcome to the family, doggie!"</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0006"><h2>6. Saturday Night Fever</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>Lifestyles of the Rich and Famous by Good Charlotte</p>
          </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>To make up for the long hunt, Ned offered to take Cat on a date the next night. This meant Arya and Sansa got to go into the huge ornate bedroom while their mother got ready. They got to watch her transformation from the boring mother in a long braid, plain stern face and button sweaters to a woman out for the night. Long chestnut curls graced her back and shoulders and autumn colors burnt her face into a new and lovely design.</p><p>Strong legs gleamed through the slits on the sides of her slender black dress. The push up bra and girdle were almost wasted under the simple long dress with a lovely black antique choker tight upon her pale neck. Sansa rolled across her mother's quilted bed and trilled out. "You are so pretty, Ma! Why don't you wear make up like, everyday? If you did your hair and dressed better everyday you'd be as popular as Cersei! Her beauty is all in her style! I can't imagine what she would look like without her makeup and hair and clothes!"</p><p>Cat rolled her eyes and murmured, "Cersei is pretty even without make up, I can assure you. But on the inside the woman is rotten to the core, don't glorify that woman to me, please." Sansa frowned a little. "Dad is making me marry Joff someday, I better get on Cersei's good side now, you know? But I like Joff, he's like a snooty prince. And I know Cersei is a bitch but she can raise my social status just by taking a picture with me!" Cat's head snapped up fast from her make up table. "Excuse me, young lady! You will be respectful to your elders. Call her Cersei, but only I can call her a bitch!"</p><p>Arya finished using the makeup that her mother wasn't using and smiled at her sister to cheer her up. Sansa burst into laughter and Cat sighed. "Wipe off that Hitler mustache and last time I checked you had all your teeth! Wipe that eyeliner off of your teeth and upper lip right now. Are you a clown?  Wait, I know the answer to that, daughter. Sansa, you are in charge of Arya, Bran and Rickon tonight. Robb and Jon are grounded so you may ask them to order supper and they can help you with the kids."</p><p>Sansa pouted and grabbed the wipe to help Arya get the make up off. "They won't really help. So really, its just me." Arya giggled. "You are a fourteen year old tragedy story! Arranged marriage before you are even old enough to date. You still haven't managed to get a period and you have strict parents that make you babysit." Sansa blushed and whacked Arya in the arm. "SHUT UP! OH MY GOD! YOU CAN'T TALK ABOUT THINGS LIKE THAT! STOP BEING SO FREAKING NOSY!" Cat broke up the two girls and she grunted as Arya ran out of the room. "Sansa, you need to learn patience!" Sansa ran out too.</p><p>While Cat put on her perfume and jewelry, Ned called all the children together in a clumsy line. "No teasing, no leaving the house, no pranks, no bullying, no making messes. Jon and Robb, you will help Sansa watch the younger kids. Sansa, don't spend all night on your phone to your friends or Joff, I want you watching those three kids, hear me? Rickon, no biting. Arya, no setting Sansa off and Bran, no climbing! Jon and Robb, if I hear about you two drinking or smoking instead of helping, I'll kick your asses. I mean it. And don't let anyone else into the house while we are gone."</p><p>Arya rolled her eyes so hard they all saw the whites of her eyes. Sansa shuddered. "That's so gross, Arya." Narrowing her eyes, Arya opened her mouth to zing her sister but Ned opened his mouth instead. "Stop teasing your sister about arranged marriages. To be honest, you ALL have arranged marriages, except Jon. Robb will marry Jeyne, Sansa will marry Joff, Arya will marry Ramsay Bolton, Bran will be married to Myrcella, Rickon will marry Shireen." Ned smiled brightly as horror sunk into small faces. "So maybe you should be nicer to the Boltons, Arya. Have a good night, kids!"</p><p>All of the Stark children stood in their line to receive kisses from their mother and a hug from their father. They all stayed like that until they heard the car leave. Robb grabbed the money their father left for pizza and emergencies. He and Jon left the house to find the Reeds and buy some weed. Sansa handed out snacks, went onto the back porch with her jacket and her phone. Laptop too. She played games on her laptop while chatting with her girlfriends about arranged marriages. Joff connected into a zoom and Sansa added Jeyne. Within seconds, drama was created.</p><p>Arya watched Bran and Rickon munch their chips and flip around the television screen looking for horror movies. She was crushed by the news and slipped out the side door, grabbing her bike and Nymeria. Seeing Arya take off out the window, Bran smirked and patted Rickon on the head. "Here, this is the Human Centipede. You'll like it. I am going out for just a few minutes. Gotta go see Myrcella. I want to know how she feels about arranged marriages." Rickon looked at the darkening window and at his brother. "Kay but can we play games when you get back?" Bran grinned, "Sure can!"</p><p>Ned and Cat clinked champagne glasses over lobster and steak. They fed each other chocolate dipped strawberries. The ballroom upstairs was playing classical music and they waltzed. Cat went to powder her nose and that's when she and Ned checked their messages. Cat got a call from Sansa saying that she couldn't find Arya or Bran. Sansa also mentioned that Rickon was acting very weird and is checking the whole house for centipedes in a rather frantic way. Cat ran back to their table to tell Ned they had to leave.</p><p>While Cat was in the bathroom on her phone, Ned listened to his own messages. "Ned, its Robert. Just caught Bran. He climbed our damned walls and roof to find Myrcella's room. He was on her balcony trying to get her attention and she screamed, I made him come inside and explain himself. All is well but I told him he must court my daughter correctly when they are of age to do it. He is welcome back in two years." Ned slowly shook his head. He clicked the next call, hoping for better. "Dad, it's Jon. I'm sorry, we fucked up. Made some special brownies and Rickon ate one before I could stop him."</p><p>Ned sighed and rubbed his sore eyes as he clicked the next message. "Daddy, I can't find Bran or Arya and Doom and Gloom won't help me! Rickon is like, crawling everywhere, crying about centipedes and time lords. He wasn't even watching Dr. Who so I don't know what freaked him out this time!" Ned saw Cat heading for the table at top speed with her lips pressed together, a sure sign she had messages too. Cat's phone rang just as she reached the table.</p><p>"Cat? It's Petyr. You might need to come and collect Arya. She's here at the Boltons. Arya is trying to rescue Roose's new foster. Also, she wishes to feed Ramsay to her wolfhound. She apparently found out about the betrothal? Ramsay didn't know either. He's trying to murder Arya back." Ned and Cat got their coats and waited for the valet to bring the car. Instead of the usual SUV that Cat ran around in, Ned's Mercedes was so plush and clean as if it was barely ever used. No juice pouches, no potato chips, toys or strange stains.</p><p>"I made a decision, Ned. I can't take being a housewife any longer. I want to go back to work. Petyr will hire me in a heartbeat and I could put in a few hours for him until I decide where I want my career to go." Ned nodded. "I like having you home with the kids but if lawyering is the break you need-go for it. I support you, honey. We will both be working and we can make enough to send all the brats to boarding school!" Cat laughed. "Miracles can come true. Okay, I guess we can stop by the Boltons first to grab Arya. Bran was already sent back home, I believe." Ned nodded. "Okay then."</p><p>Dontos Hallard hated his job, he hated working for Petyr Baelish. He might be a good lawyer but the man was a terrible prick. The cheap jerk likes to pay attention to details and Dontos tries to avoid extra details that might be extra work. Recently, Dontos has found himself not only drinking after work but before it as well. So went Dontos got stinking drunk at home and ran out, it didn't bother him to drive drunk to the nearest liquor store. In his thinking if his Ram Charger was swerving, that was enough warning for other drivers to get out of the way.</p><p>His eyes were seeing double and the grey Mercedes was in his blind spot then it was suddenly THERE. Dontos didn't see that it wasn't moving, he didn't see the lovely but worried woman inside the vehicle. He didn't see Ned putting gas into the car, then yelling and waving at him. Dontos certainly didn't see the pretty blonde coming out of her gas station, her face long with horror. All Dontos saw was the still car and then a terrible crashing sound. The boom and crackle of flames got his attention pretty fast.</p><p>Staggering out of the destroyed Ram Charger, Dontos went staggering to the other car to see if he can help them. A woman covered in flames was walking calmly across the melting tarmac and that made him start to cry. Worse was tripping over the delicate arm with a curled hand wearing a huge diamond ring. Dontos bent over and puked. This can't be happening. There was a man that was missing most of his head and it was clear that Dontos couldn't help anyone. Just like usual.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0007"><h2>7. Orphans</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>The Wrong Band by Tori Amos<br/>Wires by The Neighborhood</p>
          </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Stannis and Shireen saw the whole thing and that was the reason for their insomnia. Shireen couldn't get gruesome sights out of her head. Rickon was a good friend of hers and it hurts her to know her buddy is going to hurt from this. Where will they all go? It's not just Rickon, its a whole family. She was a little comforted by her stern faced father. He seemed to be saddened by this too and it proves he has human traits. Shireen liked to think of her dad as a robot. Years of seeing the briefest of him, then her mother went crazy and dad came home.</p><p>Her mother went away for a awhile and her father tried very hard to pretend half her face wasn't covered in a terrible rash. "Its okay to look at it, father. Mother tried to burn it away, scrub it away but she never just looked at me. I don't mind that. Just don't hurt me." Those were Shireen's first words to her father. So far he has not hurt her in the least. They were trying very hard to bond, almost too hard. It was becoming tiring to both. This new grievous situation was in some ways a gruesome relief from their own little self imposed prison for two.</p><p>First they had to stay and talk to the police. Local police and fire fighters put the fire out and got who was who straightened they spoke with witnesses. Stannis recognized the Starks before the truck had hit them. He pointed out Dontos, in handcuffs after failing sobriety tests. Edd sighed and nodded. "I was afraid it was Mr. and Mrs. Stark. Damn. Who do I call, Sir?" Stannis gently pointed out, "I am a judge and you are the responding police officer. Which of us should know what to do in this situation? Do you see my gavel anywhere? My robes? No? Eh, call their relatives first."</p><p>Stannis and Shireen left soon after to get ice cream at the brightest outlet that he could find. They tried to use ice and sugar to forget the taste of burnt flesh and metal. "I feel bad that Ms. Targaryen was burnt alive. That was terrible to watch but she was in so much pain and I couldn't figure out how to help her. I just kept yelling drop and roll. She didn't, she just fell and died. After that cool fiery walk, I almost thought she was immune to fire!" Stannis got seconds on his strawberry sundae. Shireen was still on her first mocha and pistachio ice cream.</p><p>Lysa covered her mouth, hiding an awful smile that burst out as naturally as tears could have. She didn't mean it, she loved her upstart of a sister, that carved piece of ice. Surely she did deep down and would feel grief later. What she mostly felt was upset. Lysa didn't want all those kids and was forcing Petyr to call Edmure. They will divide the children between them, that was that. Petyr had a weird smile of his own and Lysa assumed he was feeling the same way.Lysa flounced in her frilly caftan to hug her distant husband.</p><p>"Don't worry, dear heart. They won't get in the way of our loving little family. They play too rough for Robin. I can work with Rickon, he gets along quite well with my loving little boy. We can take Sansa since she has always done well with Robin. The rest go with Edmure. He has the space. Rosalyn is pregnant with her first. Her nursery is all set up and they have four guest rooms in a pool house! Let the boys go there!" Petyr smirked. "Arya is betrothed to Roose's son, Ramsay. Perhaps he can let Arya get a head start on knowing the family..."</p><p>Petyr was the first to reach the Stark home. He got there just as the police car stopped to give the news to the children. Jon and Robb came outside, seeing the cop. It was clear they were high and nervous the cop would notice. They were sobered by grief moments later. They cried on each other and to their wolves. Sansa hugged Lady while she wept but allowed Petyr to hold her too. Surely, those accidental touches are truly accidental. Right? Benjen showed up but Petyr tried to chase him off. This earned him a black eye and he called Lysa to come deal with this buffoon.</p><p>Edmure showed moments later to begin an argument with Benjen. "Fine, I'll take Jon. He can live with me at The Wall. Men atoning for their crimes deserve the right to work and feel good about themselves. Its a great camp program no matter what anyone says. Jon could learn a lot there. He will love the snow, matches his last name." Edmure sighed. "No. Go away. Ned was clear on what he thought of you. He banned you from the family for a good reason. Leave or I'll get the police to escort you."</p><p>Petyr tried several times to explain to them it's only until he reads aloud the will but no one is listening to him. He hates that. Makes him feel unimportant and that just isn't acceptable. Jon wanted to go The Wall but Petyr brought up the fact of his age. "You are only sixteen, same as Robb. You cannot join The Wall and be a Watcher until you graduate high school, Jon. Unless you want to quit school and go be an uneducated dumb fuck wielding a sword at fake monsters and real human ones? You will go with Edmure along with Robb and Bran. I will take Sansa and Rickon."</p><p>Peytr kissed his wife's cheek as he pulled out his car keys. "I am going to see Roose and find out his thoughts on Arya. I believe she is there already? Yes, that's what Roose said. He expected the parents to come get her." Lysa nodded. "That wild girl! I don't wish her on anyone. But the Boltons will do." Sansa came forward, holding a crying Rickon. "Uh, shouldn't Arya be with her family? If I care for her, she won't be too much trouble." Lysa was firm. "No. I mean it. She's a nasty little hobgoblin and I don't want her hurting or influencing my Robin!" Lysa demanded all the kids pack.</p><p>Petyr listened to the squawk of his overly excited wife fade as she followed the kids to their bedrooms. He envision tossing her out a window so she can smash her skull against the polished stones. Living on the hills meant the streets went straight up and down throughout the whole closed community. Twice Petyr tried to kill her but both times he stopped just in time. He day dreams of it. But the bitch was clever and suspicious to a whole new level. Petyr never thought there was anyone more irritating than a fourth grader. Same age as the brat that tried to break his toilet accessories!</p><p>Petyr never managed to talk Lysa into boarding school for Robin. She didn't allow the boy regular school either, he was home-schooled by Lysa herself. If there was a subject that Lysa could not learn enough about, she would hire a tutor to teach it to Robin. Petyr felt the boy would be perfectly average if he wasn't with his mother so much. Petyr thought Rickon and Sansa might bring the boy out of his shell. Poor Sansa, at such a tender age to lose her parents? Petyr wanted to comfort her, let her sit and sleep on his lap while he cuddled and snuggled her.</p><p>Now he was driving towards the village of Dreadfort with a half chub. He shifted uncomfortably as he drove. He will admit to himself that what he really wishes to do is touch that girl. He wants to defile that innocence. And Petyr wants to be the first man she seduces. He will teach her how to react to any situation, he will also teach her sneaky way to defend herself if need be. Sansa doesn't know it yet, but by the time she leaves for Robert's house, she will have been deflowered by Petyr. That is the goal. Actually no. The real goal is to teach and mold this girl into a great monster.</p><p> </p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0008"><h2>8. Brat, Pet, Leech Lord, Evil Uncle and Deer Pee</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>All For You by Sister Hazel</p>
          </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Petyr showed up and tried to understand what he was looking at. Roose simply poured him a drink while Petyr tried to become stable again. "Should I ask why Theon is dressed like that?" Smoothly Roose responded, "He was trying on new outfits. The boys are just experimenting with different materials." Petyr noted that Theon was missing a toe, a finger and had some rather noticeable bruises. "Uh, if you are chopping him up piece by piece this will get hard to explain come school time." Petyr sneered and promised Theon will be a regular unnoticed student. "Boys will be boys."</p><p>Petyr stared aghast at Roose. "Boys will be boys, indeed! Ramsay's like a cross between Cersei and Gregor during their most vicious school days." Roose raised an eyebrow. "If I recall, Cersei convinced every male teacher to pass her whether she showed or not. I can't imagine how or who taught her those nefarious methods. Didn't sweet golden popular girl Cersei go to court after causing an unpopular girl to kill herself?" Petyr cleared his throat. "I am also her lawyer, same as I am yours. You wouldn't wish for me to release all your dirty laundry, would you?" </p><p>Sipping at the brandy offered, Petyr tilted his head. "Let me understand what I am looking at. Theon in a rather interesting chain mail negligee and dog collar, high heels too. He's hiding from Ramsay and Damon by pressing himself against the back of a very upset tween, the worst one ever, Arya Stark. And she is wielding a Super Soaker full of what smells like...deer urine? Oh my god. No wonder you haven't dared to interfere. No wonder you aren't running to tell her about her parents' death. Don't worry, I love that look of despair enough, I"ll tell her. It's worth the risk."</p><p>Roose smirked. "I think fostering Arya here until the will is read is a wonderful idea. Its good for Ramsay and Damon to be brought down to size by a crazy little girl. Ramsay was quite furious and very suspicious over the arranged marriage. Any other girl will be turned into whatever Theon is becoming just to please a man she's terrified of. Ramsay is very dominant and has so many conditions I forget the names and just remember the details of the medications." Petyr shivered a little and for the briefest moment, felt sorry for Arya Stark.</p><p>"Hey, Uncle Petyr, I see you in there. If you really don't mind, I could use your help after you finish your brandy. Is it good, yeah? Really smooth stuff? That's awesome, take your time, okay? There's a boy being abused in the worst ways in this house of horrors but you just enjoy that drink, please." Petyr was filled with nearly orgasmic joy as he opened his mouth. "Dear girl, I came because of you but you seemed very busy. Be careful where you shoot that thing. If you spray anything Roose owns with that, he might flay you alive." Roose chuckled lightly, but continued to peel his apple.</p><p>Cocking her head, Arya asked, "Mom and Dad sent you to get me instead of coming for me? Why? What happened? My mother would have sped here on a friggin scooter if she had to. And Dad never misses out on a good lecture or spanking material!" Petyr remembered the girl had good instincts. His biggest reason for hating Arya was right there in his face. Just like her sister, she has a mind full of sharp things he wants to play with. But Arya never wanted his tutelage and in fact likes to prank him. Petyr hates being put to shame for any reason and Arya seems to know it.</p><p>Petyr wanted so badly to smile but he forced a look of sympathy on his face. Time to crush this little gnat. "Boys, boys, please I beg you to let Arya speak with me for a moment. I am asking you to cease this battle for I have grave news, important news for Arya Stark. You can listen but I need to know you won't attack while I am speaking to her." Ramsay was curious enough to nod and he and Damon leaned against the living room wall. Arya lowered her urine filled plastic atrocity. "Tell me, Petyr. Where's mom and dad?" Her voice was small and tight, she sounded lost.</p><p>"I'm sorry, dear niece, to inform you of your parents' death. There was a very bad accident at Dany's Oil Station, the one with the dragon painted on the side of it? Some unknown drunk hit the car and the oil pump. Your parents and Dany were caught in the explosion. Would you like me to hug you?" Arya started to cry even as her eyes were glaring at Petyr. "Nope. Sansa might endure your creepy touching but I won't. Okay, are you sure they are dead? Take me to their bodies or the crash scene!"</p><p>Petyr gave a smile that was far too brilliant. "Darling Arya, you aren't going anywhere with me. Until I read their will out loud and everyone finds out their wishes, you will remain here. This will be your home soon enough due to your arranged marriages. So this is a lovely chance for you to get to know your new family. I shall see you at the reading and you can always call me or your Uncle Edmund at any time. You may visit or call your siblings anytime. Okay? Yes? Good. I am sorry for your parents death, Arya. Good evening to you all!"</p><p>Petyr left and stopped his new Porsche near the deserted carnival set up for the weekend. He masturbated to the look of extreme despair on Arya's face, halfway there, he switched to think of Sansa living with him and that did the trick.</p><p>Theon began to hug the crying little girl and he even dared to give a quick reproachful look to the others. Ramsay raised his brow. "You dare? Naughty doggie!" In a rather whiny voice, tight with empathy and outrage, Theon spoke. "No matter your battles, Master, Arya is just a little girl who just lost her mom and dad. Can't you just be nice to her for a moment, let her try and sort this out in her head."</p><p>Roose gave a small tiny nod. His voice was soft and deadly.</p><p>"My new foster boy is right about our new foster girl. Ramsay, since you are her betrothed, why don't you help her out? She will need to go home and pack. You will escort her along with Theon and Damon. All of you can help her carry back what she needs for this week. Arya? Do you have a black dress for the services?" Too numb to care about anything, Arya held onto Theon and gave a small shake of her head. "Sansa wears dresses, not me."</p><p>Roose smiled. "Don't worry, Sansa is safe. She will be staying with your aunt Lysa and uncle Petyr." Arya snorted and wiped her eyes. "That isn't safe but no one cares, do they?" Roose plucked Theon away from Arya and shoved the pitiful creature at Ramsay. "Dress him in regular clothing for the trip. And if you lose him while you are out, I'll take it out of your skin, son. No, you can't use a leash. Now, young lady. You must have something black and respectful to wear to their service." Nodding, Arya responded, "Yes, Sir. I will. It's at the house." </p><p>Giving a sharp nod to the girl, Roose quickly said, "I am sorry for your loss, Arya. I am here for you if you need me. Consider me your guardian and enjoy the same freedoms I give the children. Consider me a prison warden and I shall act the part for you." Arya was still sorting out the threat of the statement when Roose stepped away from her. Damon lunged then for her and up swung the gun full of pee. Roose watched in dismay as Damon and a piece of the wall were soaked.</p><p>Roose sat at the dining room table, sipping wine and signing his name on the petition to officially adopt Damon. The boy had a crack addled mother and an abusive father that kicked Damon out again. Ramsay begged for years for two things, his best friend to live with and a pet Theon. Roose prefers solitude after spending all day around mostly vile humans. His son is an alien to him and Roose often wondered if he should worry about that. A vague sense of guilt prompted Roose to finally grant those gifts.</p><p>Ramsay was truly upset over the arranged marriage. While Damon was showering and Arya was scrubbing the wall, Ramsay got Theon into jeans and a t shirt. "Not enough. He can't walk around without shoes in the late fall. Socks and shoes. Please." Grumbling, Ramsay shoved his boy into a dining room chair and snapped at Theon to stay before stomping away. Roose gave a thin smile to Theon. "Its a hard adjustment, isn't it? I'm sorry, my son has always wanted a pet. I will always refer to you as my foster son but I think we both know you are only Ramsay's bitch. I won't tell your friends."</p><p>Roose looked back at his paper while Theon was stunned into silence. Ramsay returned with a pair of blue socks and purple crocs. "I bought these for your summer days with me. But you can wear them now to Arya's house. Damon's just getting dressed and we'll be on our way." Ramsay ran his fingers through Theon's hair. Theon was alarmed to find himself leaning into the gentle touch. "Good boy. Good doggie." Ramsay's voice was full of approval and that meant no pain. This warmed him up a bit and he sagged into the chair, staring up at his Master.</p><p>Arya dumped the soapy water down the kitchen sink. There was a ragged looking maid chopping vegetables. "Please just leave that bucket and I'll get to it in a moment. I am on a schedule and its rather tight at the moment." Arya tried to smile but just couldn't. No more lectures, spankings, vacations, trips, frustration during holidays. She burst into tears as the pain rolled over her. "Both of them. Just dead. My parents. Now I get to live here. Lucky me, huh?" The maid's eyes softened even as she kept moving. "Sorry to hear it, kid. Truly. But I can't stop even to offer condolences."</p><p>Going back to the dining room, Arya arrived in time to see Roose stand over Ramsay. Theon shrank in his chair, uncomfortable. Roose slapped Ramsay hard with his ring hand. It happened in a flash that could have only been a mirage but for the growing red on Ramsay's cheek. "I want you to behave, hear me, Ramsay? I want you boys to escort Arya home and help her pack then return. Do not fight with any others at the Stark house. I want no public violence considering the violence you do in private!"</p><p>Snarling, Ramsay muttered, "Why can't Dom do it? He is better than me in public." Roose stared at his son coldly. "Because Arya will marry you, not Dom." As if wished into life, Domeric was suddenly just there, pushing his thinning blonde hair out of his face. "Hey, Father, who's the crying girl? Tell me Ramsay didn't actually bring home another one of his victims, did he? I thought keeping Theon was going to be enough?" Roose sighed and smiled brightly at Domeric.</p><p>"Dom, no need to worry. This is Arya Stark and she is only here until the reading of her parents will. Then we shall see. Probably about a week, okay?" Domeric shook her hand and pulled her forth for a big bear hug. "Welcome to Dreadfort, Arya and I am so sorry to hear about your parents. I am sure we all will attend the services. Do you need anything? You just let me know, my name is Domeric but I hope you'll call me Dom. I'll come with all of you to your house, see about how much we can get out for you."</p><p>Arya looked over at Roose. "Uh, Sir, my wolf is in your kennels right now. But she needs her dog food and my other stuff for her." Roose smirked. "You may certainly keep your dog in the kennels. I do not allow animals in the house, only humans." Arya and Dom didn't mean to glance at Theon but he looked back mulishly, trying hard for dignity. "My parents are dead." Arya said it matter of fact then burst into tears again. This time Dom held her through the storm. Then they gathered with Ramsay, Damon and Theon to head towards the Stark house.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0009"><h2>9. Impact</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>Battlefield by Jordan Sparks</p>
          </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Arya walked her bike on her left side, Nymeria to her right. Ramsay and Damon were leering and making comments from behind while Dom tried to walk ahead of them all. Theon walked between Damon and Ramsay, their hands all over him as he tripped and squirmed. "I am very sorry-" Arya cut Dom off. "Please don't. I am going to be hearing a lot of that at services, I am not ready for that yet, okay? Can you and I just make a pact not to say we are sorry to each other. Its such a useless platitude."</p><p>Domeric grinned. "Yeah, like when someone says, how are you and they don't mean it. Like, really, they DON'T want to hear it even if they act like they do. Liars out there are many but us few honest folks get by sticking together." Arya and Domeric grinned at each other and Arya felt a little guilty. She wasn't honest often or nearly at all. Suddenly Ramsay picked up Theon and yelled YEET while throwing the boy. Luckily, Dom has good reflexes and he was able to catch Theon before he landed on Arya's bike. "Ramsay, why must you be such an asshole?" Dom settled Theon on his own feet and Arya snatched him away. "Stay with me, Theon."</p><p>Ramsay stamped his foot. "Are you fucking kidding me? You can't just take my boy he is mine!" Ramsay turned to Domeric and hissed, "Why are you talking to her anyway! Arya is mine, just like Theon! Stop trying to take my things, Domeric!" Arya gave Nymeria the order to protect Theon, she dropped her bike and headed for Ramsay. "Listen very hard. We. Do. Not. Belong. To. You. Even if I have to marry you, I will still do my own thing and be whatever I want to be. You want to treat Theon like a pet and I can't stop that. Fine. But I will treat him my own way. Domeric will treat us his own way. You. Don't. Own. Me. It will never, ever happen."</p><p>Ramsay gave a grin that Arya didn't care for. "Is that a challenge?" Arya gave him a deep frown. "No. Its a fact. Its a promise." Walking away abruptly caused Ramsay to grab her arm. Ramsay screeched in rage when Arya managed to perform a fast movement and toss Ramsay over her head. "I know how to defend myself. I know how to fight. I have a very strict father and four brothers." Ramsay smiled with malice even as his voice was sweet syrup poison. "But your father is dead now. And your mother. And none of you are being kept together. So sad. At least you have us!"</p><p>Arya burst into tears as she swung, giving Ramsay a bruise on his shoulder instead of his face as intended. Domeric instantly began to hug and comfort Arya who squirmed, desperate to find escape. Ramsay took it out on Theon, who howled as Ramsay smacked him for running off with "a disobedient fiance" which sent Damon into gales of laughter.</p><p>Petyr never hated anyone more than he hated Rob Stark right now. The atrocious boy is ruining Petyr's good mood. Petyr returned to the house, preparing to bring Sansa to Lysa's high rise. "Aren't you supposed to stay until another adult arrives? Why in such a rush to take my sister? Nobody leaves until I have seen every one of my siblings and know where they are going." Petyr had grabbed Sansa's right hand and growled when Rob put a heavy hand on Sansa's shoulder. "Uncle Petyr, Rob is right. We need another adult here and plus where's Arya? I'm not leaving until I see her."</p><p>And that was that. Petyr knew he had lost and it was time to call Edmund again and remind him to come get the three boys. Edmund apologized and says his wife is very unhappy to have three teenage boys in her home. She was two weeks to delivery and questioned the logistics and safety of this. Petyr had snapped at Edmund, "These are the boys of deceased Ned Stark. Didn't he pay for your wedding when Walder bounced the checks for it? And these boys had a strict wholesome upbringing. I won't have gossip of these stellar young men. And it's only until the will is read! I'm the lawyer!"</p><p>Rosalyn said only a week so Petyr had better hurry up and read the will. This made Petyr grit his teeth but it got Edmund moving and into his car to get the boys.  </p><p>Robert sat in the day room sobbing and Cersei rubbed his shaking shoulders. It felt like trying to hold onto jiggling slabs of meat under expensive terry cloth. He sat wearing his sweatsuit he was hanging around in when they received the call. "Do you want something, Robert? Want some coffee or wine, my love? You have been like this for an hour and you are scaring us. I am so sorry about Ned, he was your best friend but you must try and calm yourself. If you get sick, that won't bring Ned back, Robert. Come on now, let me help you." But Robert just shook his head and cried.</p><p>Worried, Cersei left the room. She was hoping Robert won't have a nervous breakdown from losing the First Caveman Gentleman as Cersei liked to think of him. As she entered the kitchen to ask the nannies how the children were taking it, Joff got in her way. Sneering towards the day room, he said wickedly, with joy, "Father is so weak. A caveman and his bitch died, so what?" Cersei didn't even know she would ever hit her favored son until now, when she felt the sting of her palm. "Don't you ever! They were your elders! Don't you ever call your father weak!"</p><p>Cersei wanted to take it back and just couldn't, she was going to throw up or something. Lurching for the bathroom, almost running down her indignant son to get there. She grabbed hold of the toilet with both hands and began to blink furiously while gagging. <em>Is this grief? Am I actually grieving for a woman I have known and hated since preschool? That I spent more time with than my own husband.</em> Cersei laughed even as she cried.</p><p>Lysa berated the maids that were making the lemon cakes. "Be careful! It's for my grieving niece. Pretty little thing, devastating news, isn't it, Robin?" Lysa sat down in the dining room and pulled her son onto her lap. "Do you want a little sugar before your new father returns, love? I still haven't dried up yet if you want to." Robin shook his head and nibbled at the lemon cake he swiped. "This tastes good. She has good taste!"</p><p>Giving a harsh bitter laugh that sounded more like a caw, Lysa shook her head. "She has terrible taste, love. Sansa is being married off to Joffrey Baratheon. We must pity her, Robin. Even though her father made the match, Sansa is looking forward to it. The dumb girl. Doesn't know any better and her mother didn't protect her from the ways of misogynistic men like your disappointing first father." Lysa seemed to stare off into the distance.</p><p>Didn't notice how her fingers were tightening. "OW!" Robin gave his mother a pout. "Why did you hurt me?" Lysa blamed the bruises on Sansa. "Dammit, I had the girl on my mind again. I am sorry, son!" Robin wasn't happy about Sansa coming if it made his mother that angry. He had liked the first father. The second one was better. He brought gifts and helped Robin escape mother when he can.</p><p>Maybe they had to kill the first Sansa so the next cousin will be a nicer one? Robin slurped at his cup of milk, ignoring his mother trying to frantically bare a breast.</p><p> </p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0010"><h2>10. Limbo</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Petyr, Edmund and the rest of the Stark children heard Arya and the Boltons before they arrived. They heard them from the next block. Petyr was fuming by the time they finally showed up. It was like watching a migrating mosh pit. Petyr managed to get Arya to release Ramsay's arm from her gaping maw. Edmund got Ramsay's fingers out of Arya's bloody nose. They came out with a pop and Arya swayed.</p>
<p>Rob swept up his little sister and ran back inside the house, locking the door behind him. Bran already locked every every other door and window.</p>
<p>Edmund admonished the four strange boys while Petyr tried to get back into the Stark mansion without any success. "Are you kidding me?" Petyr almost plunged well manicured nails into well gelled hair over these frustrating goddamned kids. Petyr started to pound on the door while yelling for Sansa. Inside the house they giggled at Petyr's frustration as Sansa treated Arya's bloody nose and black eye.</p>
<p>"If you are going to live with the Boltons for a week or so, you'd better stop biting and spitting." Arya rolled her eyes at the usual advice from Sansa. "You are going to have to learn to fight like a real badass. Time to ask Rob and Jon some moves before it's too late." Jon was busy trying to help Bran get any illegal substances they own and any items of importance throughout the house. Jon and Robb have an idea.</p>
<p>Robb quickly showed Arya the best of his moves and Arya burst into laughter. "I learned those moves three years ago. I watched you and copied it. Watch." Rob sank at the knee in his crotch, the clipping on his chin as he went down. "See?" Arya had another annoying burst of tears and Sansa grabbed her to sob all over her in reaction. Jon came back in and Arya ran to hug him. "They are separating all of us!"</p>
<p>Jon put one arm around each girl and looked solemnly at each. "They can't keep us away from each other too long. Petyr will read the will next week. Far as I remember, we are all supposed to go together to our next home. Our inheritance and business will be taken care of by someone over twenty one. But the important part is to make sure we all ultimately stay together. Keep in touch this week over the phone, eh?"</p>
<p>After the kids each packed what they could and hid the rest, they unlocked the door. Ramsay and Damon were starting to create a ram using the bikes when the door opened and Sansa invited them all in.</p>
<p>"I want those children!" Cersei spilled her wine and tripped over her Siamese cat. "Excuse me, Robert darling? Did you just make a very bad joke?" Robert straightened his robe as he came into the room, his eyes hollow. "It was a promise I made with Ned years ago. Petyr wrote the papers up. If one set of parents dies, the other gets the kids. Those kids belong here. We can make a few changes, we have the space." Cersei stared. "We do?"</p>
<p>Robert waved his hands vaguely. "We live in a damned mansion twice the size of the Starks for less people! We have at least five guest rooms we could turn into bedrooms. What's a few more teens, how would you even notice?" Cersei stood up and offered her husband a cup of wine. "Love, I would be happy to take on sweet dove, Sansa. But all those other kids would not fit in here. Joff and Arya would kill each other. Joff would bicker and try to constantly one up the boys. They are boorish and tease our children!"</p>
<p>Robert slammed a meaty fist on the glass coffee table, causing Cersei to wince, thinking of the table. "Woman, didn't you hear me? It was a PACT! I must raise those children for Ned!" Cersei snapped for the maid to clean the spot on the floor before it stained while she poured herself another wine. "Robert, dearest, you are reeling in grief. Let's see what the will says. That is what determines where those children go."</p>
<p>Robert shook his head and headed towards his walk in closet. "I should go and see them. Get dressed, grab Joff. He should go and see Sansa, tell her how sorry he is for her parents.! I know that prick won't want to say it but he will, hear me, woman?"</p>
<p>Each of the kids looked miserable as they carried their belongings in their designer luggage. Hugging each other tightly, they all swore to text often all week. Edmund cleared his throat with difficulty, thinking of his wife, who was threatening divorce. Just as he was about to tell the boys to get into the car, another car came rolling up smoothly with Baratheons.</p>
<p>Rickon screamed in abject terror when Robert burst into the door and rolled, heaved towards the boy to envelope him in doughy, sweaty flesh. Arya and Bran began to plan services for their sibling when Jon went forward bravely. "Thank you, Mr. B for coming over and caring so much. It means a lot to us, Sir." Sansa bravely reached in and pulled Rickon out, courageously taking the hug instead. Petyr hissed at the Baratheons.</p>
<p>"None of you need to be here. I have Sansa, Edmure is taking the boys and Roose is taking Arya. When I read the will, we shall see what happens next."</p>
<p>Cersei certainly didn't want all these kids at her house but she couldn't keep her mouth shut. "You cannot bring Rosalynn three boys when she is about to give birth. Are you crazy? I will take the boys. Only for one week. Just until the reading of the will." With a very pained look, Cersei looked over at Arya. "Roose Bolton's house? If you can try to act like a person, you may spend the week at my home." Arya burped.</p>
<p>Cersei frowned. "Tell Roose I said hi, darling." Cersei and Robert looked over at Sansa and Petyr jumped in the way. "Lysa is dying to see Sansa. Want Rickon?" Robert sighed. "Why not? He gets along with Myrcella just fine." Rickon poked Cersei. "Is it true? Do I have to marry Myrcella someday?" Cersei looked sick and murmured, "Let's put a pin in that thought for now."</p>
<p>A moment later Roose's car pulled up, he had Damon's van. "Whoever is spending the week at my house needs to get their stuff in. I am a busy man. I have my own personal affairs to attend to." Cersei smiled looking at this somber man wearing a new silk black tie on a new pink silk shirt. "Ah, I have heard rumors of you going around town with a certain lucky Frey girl. I see there is some truth to it, eh? Which girl, tell me?" Roose inclined his head and a gave a small twitch of his lips. "Walda Frey. A very biddable girl."</p>
<p>Joff stopped pretending to comfort Sansa and he drawled out, "A very humongous girl! She is short but wide as the ocean! Pick again, Sir!" Sansa gasped, Arya looked at Joff in disgust. Robert had started to laugh then hit his son. "Do not talk that way of any girl!" Reluctantly, Arya said goodbye to her siblings. "It's only a week and I'll text you as much as I can." They barely got them all in the back of van and the bike inside before the attack. Damon and Ramsay stole her phone.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0011"><h2>11. Shifted, Displaced</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>Dollhouse by Melanie Martinez</p>
          </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Roose never checked what was happening in the van. It was only a twenty minute drive, after all. He threw open the van doors to find a Croninberg creature that squirmed slowly and bled in certain places. A single snap of his fingers had all involved suddenly detaching back into humans. Roose ignored all the pointing at each other. "Anyone dumb enough to have involved in this childish behavior can expect to receive my attention. Except Arya, this once she only observes."</p><p>Arya waited with delight, following them all inside, limping, wiping up blood. She gave as good as she got and it was only the arrival of Roose that might have saved her. Arya had started to tire and Domeric couldn't keep both Damon and Ramsay off her all at once. Arya was fantasizing about seeing the boys get a spanking that would make them cry like babies. Instead, Ramsay, Damon and Theon all protested but followed Domeric down into the basement. Arya was nudged down ahead of Roose. "Fear nothing tonight. I told you that tonight there is no punishment for you."</p><p>The chilling room would have been warning enough. It was soundproofed, grey rugs on the floor and chains, devices everything that made no sense. It was very cold and there was a white refrigerator near the staircase. Only Roose was standing near the staircase that led up to the door. Their only escape. Arya was trying to edge her way back towards the stairs but Roose pulled her next to him. "Watch. Stay still and silent please. Do not act like the delicate maiden now. Be a woman and stand tall. Watch." </p><p>None of the boys wanted to remove their shirts in front of Arya but obeyed the order. Each of them knelt down while Roose attached leeches on them. Arya might have reacted upon seeing the fridge was full of squirming leeches if Roose hadn't pricked her pride. Arya noticed Roose gave them each a different level of the same punishment. Domeric had three leeches attached to his back, Theon had one on his back. Damon wore enough on his chest, stomach and back to make him turn really pale and lethargic.</p><p>Ramsay wore a similar amount. Roose simply watched, explaining to Arya, "I believe in getting rid of bad blood. It calms a person and cleans them. You'll discover this yourself soon enough." Arya began to think that maybe she should have been nicer to Cersei. Oh well. Time to adapt as Roose said. Mimicking Roose's stance, Arya asked without any humor, "Very well, Sir. I do NOT wish to be like the boys. How do I adapt, Sir?"     </p><p>Cersei directed the maids in the setting up of two guest rooms. "Just for the week until we know where you are staying, boys. Rob and Jon can share one room and the Rickon and Bran would share their bedroom. Rickon looked up at the lovely blonde. "Why are our rooms so far away? We are all alone in this hallway!" Cersei gave him a half smile. The guestrooms were connected by a shared bathroom. All three rooms were clean and more lavish than what they were used to. Bran grinned. "It's way better than what Uncle Edmund's house would have been!"</p><p>"Boys are loud creatures. And boys who have suffered an unspeakable tragedy should be grateful they have somewhere to go. Hmm? Now then, here are your rooms and I shall see you at supper. Bettina will ring a bell. The children are about, they are thrilled to have you visit." Robb snorted as he remembered how Joff bitched the whole way to the mansion. He agreed with allowing Sansa their home but not the boys. Joff shut up when his father whacked the back of Joff's little head with his huge diamond pinkie ring. Joff took off into the house after that and has not been seen since.</p><p>Myrcella and Tommen were very friendly, having been friends with the Starks for some time. The kids helped the others unpack and personalize their rooms a little. Tommen and Bran were on Fortnite moments later. Myrcella and Rickon started a game of Minecraft. Jon and Rob shared a brownie. Jon proceeded to text Ygritte and Rob fell asleep listening to Ollie Wilde. Cersei directed one of the maids and nannies to keep an eye for the boys. If they needed anything to help them out. Cersei went out to do her hair, nails and a fitting for a black dress.</p><p>This was Cat Stark's funeral. The damned woman would sit up dead to criticize Cersei for wearing anything less than her best for such an occasion. Sighing heavily, Cat remembered the girls and boys. They ALL needed fittings. Removing her earrings, Cersei allowed her usual spa workers to fix her skin to glistening pink. Cersei called Jaime. "Can I have my husband committed? Or perhaps I could put myself up for an adoption? Am I too old for a sugar daddy? I need to see you. Please. Just this one night, okay?"</p><p>Jaime steeled himself as Brienne gave him a side glance. "No, I can't. We swore to stop, remember? Its not healthy for us. Now listen, what could be so bad over there?" Cersei snorted. "I am currently in charge of two girls and SIX boys! I have a maid threatening to quit! She went into the bathroom after Rickon did and she began an entire ritual! Sage stunk everywhere! One of the braver maids wore gloves and face gear before cleaning the room." Jaime laughed. "Are you sure you aren't exaggerating just a little?" Brienne rolled her eyes. "I can hear her pouting from here."</p><p>Cersei gasped. "Do you have me on speaker phone, Jaime?" The crack of a can opening and suddenly the low hum of a television show became clearer to her.  "Yes. We are watching the game." Cersei hung up fast and swore to herself. Pouring a rather large helping of wine, Cersei went to see how everyone was getting along. Myrcella, Rickon and Tommen were watching the Walking Dead while sitting around a lantern, under a tent. Cersei asked where Bran went but no one had answers. After some expert sleuthing, Cersei found Rob, Jon and Bran sitting on her roof, getting high. </p><p>Channeling their mother, they each received a quick whack to the head as they came back in, coughing. Cersei stole the joint and took a wine bottle for a private little party in the bathroom. Robert visited the boys awkwardly as they were getting ready for bed. He was drunk, tearful and reminiscing about their father. Once he talked enough for both boys to be in tears, Robert eyed his favorite maid walk by. "Cersei? Have you seen her?" Rob nodded, grinning. "She stole my joint." Robert leered after the maid. "Excellent. Have a good night, boys."</p><p> </p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0012"><h2>12. Blood In The Water</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>Little Lies by Fleetwood Mac</p>
          </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Sansa recalled her mother saying countless times about how Aunt Lysa was crazy. Since it came from the lips of her mother, Sansa took this as the gospel truth. To be honest, Lysa had never done a thing to change that impression of her. The few times she visited on holidays it was always a disaster in one form or another. The last time Aunt Lysa came for Christmas she chased Arya around the table with a knife! Arya got Robin involved in a food fight and Aunt Lysa acted as if Arya somehow injured her own cousin.</p><p>Sansa was overly polite and her jaw hurt from the tension of keeping such a warm sunny smile. Lysa started out with a hug and lemon cakes. Then it turned into her claws shredding Sansa's perfect hands! Sansa was horrified. Did her aunt understand how much one of Sansa's hands could be worth if she decided to be a model? Not that she would, but it's the point and Sansa was getting quite upset. Her Aunt was ranting about Robin and her usual hatred of Cat came out.</p><p>This time Sansa caught the point. Sansa almost laughed. Did this dried up woman truly think anyone would want her husband? Sansa spent years fighting off first Benjen then Petyr. Fighting the urge to ask the woman if she ever heard of moisturizer, Sansa appeased.</p><p>"Auntie Lysa, please forgive me! I am just a stupid selfish girl! I begged Uncle Petyr to let me come here to you! My parents are gone and you are the family I admire the most. No one would let me talk about it and please don't tell Uncle Petyr as I don't wish to hurt his feelings, but I was hoping to spend some private time with you. No one makes lemon cakes or has advice like you do!"</p><p>This caused a melting within the paranoid woman and she hugged Sansa again. "Don't be so hard on yourself, dear. Your mother wasn't meant to be a nurturing woman capable of being a good mother. She should have used her fancy lawyer shingle more often, got a few cats. I'll give her this, Catelyn was a sharp woman and she would have shined in her career. She threw it all away for a caveman. Bred like some slut then just hoped for the best."</p><p>The rage and pain in Sansa's soul was killing her and she wanted to murder this..this BITCH! Sansa spoke in a cultured, lovely tone. "Auntie Lysa, I am so glad to finally be with someone who just <em>understands.</em>" Sansa wished for her aunt to burn in a special hell as she hugged her one last time. Her hand caressed the part of Lysa's back where Sansa promised herself to plunge the knife someday.</p><p>Even after Sansa was given a guest room, there was no privacy just to grieve or put things together in her head. The first knock was Creeper Petyr and it took all her strength not to roll her eyes and sigh. Sansa at fourteen, was old enough to understand what her Uncle wanted and was young enough to find it disgusting. Uncle Petyr sometimes had excellent advice, he was great at story telling and making her think. But it wasn't worth having to stay in public spots with him. Now Aunt Lysa thinks Sansa is the creeper!</p><p>Sansa's only hope at sanity was Robin. She knew he was the same age as Rickon. The few times she had met him he was frail and strange. "This is your cousin, Sansa." Sansa smiled and said hello. Petyr sighed. Aunt Lysa fluttered and fawned over a young thin pale boy who sat down, stared flatly at Sansa. "Hello cousin. How does it feel to have dead parents?" Petyr looked astounded as Lysa put a napkin on Robin's neck while saying softly, "Darling, she feels awful because her parents are dead. But don't worry, they weren't all that great anyway."</p><p>Sansa complimented the food while envisioning stabbing her Aunt in her right eye and popping the damned thing out. The meal was too long and full of malice that soured the food. Sansa got through it by thinking of how her other siblings would have reacted if they were there. Rob would have raged on their parent's behalf. Jon probably would just soak up every word and finally give a tiny smile. Bran would knock out their entire internet. Arya would have attacked Aunt Lysa by now. Rickon would encourage Robin to have a food fight.</p><p>"If you don't mind, I would like to be excused. I am an influencer and I must update now. Also, I need to find a dress for services tomorrow. I only have four black dresses. Aunt Lysa, would you like to be my guest on my vine today?"</p><p>Sansa couldn't wait to get to bed tonight so she can cry and rage into her pillows.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0013"><h2>13. A Dour Day</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>I'm Alive by Becca</p>
          </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Dragonstone was a damp place at it's best. Agriculture is rough there but they have no lack of seafood. The best place in all of Westeros to have a seafood meal is The Gull. Tyrion hated seafood and he is sure that is the only reason his father chose to meet Stannis here. There was a roasted chicken on the menu which Tyrion ordered. He was pretty sure it was actually seagull.</p><p>Tywin desiccated a lobster as if he were wrestling it live. Stannis picked at a plate of scallops and Shireen was happily eating fish and chips. Tyrion smiled at the little girl. "How are your classes going?" Tyrion groaned internally. The worst question, the most boring and common one for every child. Shireen smiled back brightly. "I am on honor roll. That won't change. Someday I will be valedictorian. There, you are released from ever asking me that question." Tyrion blushed a little then he gave her a sly look.</p><p>"Would you like to see some magic tricks?" Shireen looked interested. Tyrion was aware that he was brought by his father for this purpose. Stannis usually had his daughter with him. Now that his wife was institutionalized, Stannis has not found a companion that he could trust with his daughter. "Shireen is very clever and a little rebellious. So I try and keep a close eye. When she does get in trouble, its with Stark or a Baratheon usually!" Stannis gave his daughter an approving look in spite of his gruff tone.</p><p>Tywin took a sip of the white wine and he looked over at the Honorable Judge Stannis. "First year as a judge. How do you like it? And I hear you've been doing a bit of freelance work on the side?" Stannis cleared his throat. "I am concerned about the state of our local beaches and the migration of our sea life. We have a symbiotic relationship living here, we must respect and protect it at all costs. And many in Dragonstone feel the same as I do." Shireen rolled her eyes and Tyrion winked at her.</p><p>Stannis frowned. "I do not like that Petyr holds the Stark will. I also am upset to hear the children have been pulled apart. I expect to see them at the funeral." Tyrion pulled a mint from behind Shireen. "Don't want to tell the Stark kids that you are sorry for their tragedy and have them puking or fainting from your fishy breath." Tywin covered his eyes briefly and Stannis sighed at his daughter's look of delight. Shireen had a warped sense of humor and the spark in her eyes always worried him.</p><p>Stannis was lucky to save her from her mother. Stannis fixed his black tie. What if the next attacker couldn't be stopped in time? Forcing his mind away, he thought of the Starks again. "I can't imagine anyone wanting to take on six kids. I think they will stay in foster care until Rob turns eighteen. I can try and find a foster family in the country that needs farm workers? They will put the older ones to work but they pay them a modest pay and treat the young ones fairly well."</p><p>Tywin wiped his mouth with his napkin before commenting. "There is no way in hell that the Stark children will live in the squalor of some pig farm. Ned and Cat would roll in their graves. Petyr is a snake but he knows he can only play with their placement and inheritance so much. I'm already taking over their businesses in corporate takeovers. But there is a tremendous amount of money to be shared between those siblings. There are provisions, rules and of course, arranged marriages for Petyr to play with."</p><p>Tyrion and Shireen grinned at each other. Tyrion leaned closer to the girl and stage whispered, "Petyr will try to keep Sansa for himself, find a way to send Rob and Jon to The Wall and send the other two boys to boarding school. Arya will be left to the Boltons like a sacrificial goat." Tywin glared at Tyrion but then he tilted his head. "Stannis, there is the concern of wanting to make sure these kids are taken care of. Regardless of how we might have felt about particular folks, these children belong with us. Our kind. They wouldn't survive anywhere else!"</p><p>Stannis pushed his dish away and gave Tywin a quick look of disdain. "I won't question that statement. I have a particular feeling you've invited me to supper not to go together to the funeral but for a different reason. If Petyr brings the will before me or if anyone contests it, I will do the best I can to keep those children cared for and safe until they are old enough to do on their own. Regardless of how rich they might be. And I would hope that you aren't looking to be their guardian just to take control of more Stark property."</p><p>Tywin and Tyrion looked insulted then. "Arya and Bran. Every day they deliver our newspaper in a unique way. We bet on the school football teams and we watch Rob and Jon every season year after year. Sansa dates my grandson. I cannot help but care what happens to them. Lysa is insane, we all know that. We all heard about poor Robin. If it weren't for that crooked oil slick of a man, that child might be dead by now. And its very obvious that Petyr enjoys Sansa's visits far too much. We have left her there with them."</p><p>Tyrion spoke next. "My sister has reached the limit of patience, which is only endless if its her own children. Joff is complaining about Sansa not being there. He said that her latest tik tok had more likes than his own. They needed to collaborate but he was having trouble reaching her at Lysa's. Bran keeps climbing the house and peeking in windows. I assume Arya is being leeched or eaten by Ramsay's dogs along with Theon Greyjoy whom we've already failed." Shireen blinked but the men gave each other a look.</p><p>Both of them look vaguely ashamed but changed the subject fast.</p><p>Domeric drove like he was getaway driver, leaving tire marks in the long driveway. Leaping out of the car, grabbing the plastic bag that fought him. Rustling came from the bag as Dom threw it over his shoulder and ran into the house. Roose was ten seconds from a breakdown as Domeric raced past him with the bag. Roose could have gotten involved but he made that mistake earlier. He tried to honestly connect with them. Sitting in the same room as them should be enough.</p><p>Ramsay had given Theon a gingerbread house to make. This was a nice thing and proved Ramsay could be normal. Arya came to help Theon make the sweet project. Ramsay and Damon played some violent game. Damon's character rode a goat, raped a clown and used a shovel to beat several men to death. As soon as Theon and Arya finished the gingerbread house, Ramsay and Damon stomped it into mere frosting and crumbs. Arya began to scoop up the mess and Damon found himself wearing it. Theon didn't dare such a thing with Ramsay. Ramsay laughed while Theon sniffed, eyes low.</p><p>The maid entered to clean the mess while Arya covered Ramsay in the same mess as Damon. Theon tried to hide his smile as Ramsay spun to go after Arya. Roose had decided to get involved then. "The three of you! Stop wrecking my living room! Go clean yourselves. Theon, you may remain with you since you are clean." Ramsay looked enraged and deliberately covered cringing Theon in frosting and crumbs. "You gave him to me. He is mine now, father. I won't let anyone steal my pet!" Theon was no fool and immediately pressed himself against Ramsay's leg.</p><p>Roose was stunned at such a dramatic reaction. "Ramsay, you will adjust your attitude. I do not wish to take your pet away. I am treating him like a foster child. He is your pet, yes, but he is my foster son. If you cannot remember that, I will help you with it. Do you need my help son?" Roose's voice sounded so soft and parental. It was colored with a waiting violence that made even Arya shiver a little. "No, Father. I will remember." Roose sighed, "Take yourself and the others to get cleaned up."</p><p>Now they all sat here all cleaned up while Domeric ran past a wet spot in the rug to Arya first. "Okay, one from Sansa, one from Lysa and one from Cersei. All three had a donation ready for you. They added jewelry and make up. Don't know half of it. Here's the boxes and cases. Here's the dresses, all black and somber enough." Arya stared at the mess and blinked away tears. Roose called her over. "It is difficult I know. Do not feel shameful over your tears. You've allowed yourself last night and all morning to escape reality. Here is is again and-WHAT THE HELL AM I SEEING?"</p><p>Arya turned to see what caught Roose's ire and she burst into laughter so hard it made her sob. Domeric had forced a wedding rental shop of a rather higher end store to open for him. Bringing the measurements of his brother, Theon and Damon into the store, he nearly assaulted the woman over what she had for options. None of them had done as Roose had asked which was to buy or rent something to wear for the services. In Arya's case, a quick call to a few ladies and they all donate dresses. For the boys however, it was a bit more difficult. </p><p>Domeric could only grab what the saleswoman could find in the unique sizes of those young men. Ramsay had a black velvet suit with bow tie and ruffled shirt. Damon giggled. "You look like a game host." Theon's suit was green and navy blue plaid with skinny leg pants. Ramsay shook his head. "Did you rent this from Ryan Seacrest? Is he getting a new Christmas outfit or something?" Roose shrieked at Damon. "Those pants! Are you anticipating a flood? Look at your shirt! You look like a werewolf about to burst out of your outfit! Domeric, he cannot wear that!"</p><p>Feeling lighter now, Arya wiped her eyes and got her laughter down to giggles. Heading to the guest room to lock herself in and try on the three dresses. The first one she tried on was from Aunt Lysa. The flat part of the dress fit her perfectly but Arya simply wasn't as tall as Lysa. The dress was a black tube style and Arya felt like she should just mail herself somewhere. The plain rayon was itchy and Arya tossed the dress to the floor. The one from Sansa was lovely. It mostly fit expect for the bosom. The popular style was flattering.</p><p>If only Arya had a box or two of tissues to fill the endless cavern of a bosom. In growing despair, Arya looked at what Cersei sent her. Gasping, she yanked out the pantsuit and smiled. A note fell out and Arya grabbed it. "Its not the style of today. But it is the closest you will get to what will fit you." Written in Cersei's flowing script and Arya nodded in respect. She won't forget Cersei helping her when she didn't have to. Arya put on the outfit with confidence, laughing. It was the height of eighties woman's pantsuit. Shoulder pads, black silk blouse, tight blazer buttoned tight. Perfect.</p><p> </p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0014"><h2>14. Preparing for Goodbye</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>Never Fully Dressed Without A Smile by Annie Sountrack</p>
          </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Myrcella and Tommen grinned at the Stark boys. "Where are your parents and brother?" Peering around the nearly dark kitchen Rob could only see one silent maid coming and going. "They all sleep in unless mom has a social thing or Dad has work early. Does your family actually make you get up this early every day to work on a farm?"</p><p>The boys smiled wryly as they all sat down. Jon tossed his mane and gave a lingering grin to the buxom maid that brought more bowls and spoons. "Our parents thought we should live on farm hours even though others handled our farm. We drove the real farm hands crazy when we'd show every morning to sullenly shovel shit or milk a cow."</p><p>Rickon smiled. "Not everyone! Sansa helps the maid instead, Arya and Bran have paper delivery. Next year mother said I could have a paper route!" Suddenly it seemed to strike Rickon that this wasn't a regular sleep over. His lower lip trembled and the boy ran out of the room. Rob looked like he was going to go after him. Bran looked up from his cereal. "Let him be. Rickon needs to get a good cry out and needs privacy for it." Jon shrugged. "Rob, Bran is closer to Rickon then we are. He would know."</p><p>Tommen nudged Myrcella. "That crybaby is going to be your husband." Myrcella coolly glanced at her brother. "My crybaby brother will get a friend then. Or do you forget how you bawled when Joff got a hold of your cat?" Tommen slammed his spoon on the table. "That's different and you know it! Joff skinned my cat, of course I cried!" Myrcella responded fast. "And Rickon's parents just died. Don't you think that's also worth bawling over?" A blonde with a face screwed up with irritation and malice, shoved his way past the Starks.</p><p>Joff shoved his siblings over and sat down to stare blearily at the Starks. "You've upset our schedule with your damned services. I hope you understand that I sleep in and don't expect to have to rise like some damned farm boy." Rob scowled at Joff. "Pointy headed little twit. Our parents are dead, sorry that inconveniences you." Robert came out of the shadows like a looming nutcracker and a meaty hand smacked Joff's head. "Be polite. You could learn manners." Joff sniffed sharply and gave a falsely humble smile. "I'm sorry that you are homeless, broke and orphaned."</p><p>Robert grinned. "And for all that you have they still have one thing that you don't." Joff tilted his head. "What's that?" Robert winked at his daughter as he responded, "Muscles." Everyone struggled not to laugh as Joff simmered and took it out on the maid. "I want coffee not juice! Get it right, whore!" Tommen gave an apologetic look to the efficient maid. Jon gave her hand a tiny pat to cheer her up. Robert asked the boys, "Did Cersei have the tailor see you last night?" Rob nodded. "Yes, thank you." Robert nodded and smiled. "You'll be dressed well then! Wait until she checks you over."</p><p>Bran blinked. "But..as long as we are clean and in suits...that's all my mother probably would make us do!" Cersei came from the lightened hallway. "Ah, young man! In this household I expect very high standards on appearance, love. And your mother would expect me to do nothing less than groom you properly for such a social occasion. Today we must show your parents our utmost respect. Today we say our public goodbyes. I am going to explain everything to you while you get ready." </p><p>The Stark boys watched as Robert was brought a full plate of ham, eggs and french toast with a tower of butter and syrup. He swallowed it down with huge swigs of coffee. Cersei had a half cup of coffee that she drank through a straw. Along with a mimosa or two. "The tailor will be here within the hour to finish your suits, gentlemen. The hair dresser will obviously work on myself and my daughter first, then my husband and sons. But I have asked that she bring another with her to work on your heads. It's clear how much effort shall be needed to tame these shaggy heads."</p><p>Frowning, Cersei asked where Rickon was as she ate some pills from a small golden case. It took a concentrated effort of the Stark and Baratheon children to find him. The boy was hiding on the roof, having himself a good tantrum. Robert coaxed the boy down and took him outside. "Okay, I see how upset you are. So let's get it out, so you can get through today, Rickon."</p><p>Robert brought the boy to his man cave in a heated barn. It had a full bar for Robert and all sorts of things to hold Rickon's attention. The punching bag worked perfectly and Rickon raged on it while he cried and Robert drank. </p><p>Lysa's prized butler served a full repast including fresh fruit and yogurt. Sansa left the traditional breakfast to the family and she ate the fruit with yogurt along with half an everything bagel. Lysa smiled and spoke politely to her niece. She tried very hard to ignore that both her husband and son are sneaking heated glances at the girl.</p><p>Sansa was flaunting in her pink fleece sweatshirt, showing her perfect hands every three seconds. Her hair was clean and put into a long braid. "You have an outfit for today's services, dear? Why don't you go get ready? I will send my hairdresser up once I am all done. There's a good whore-I mean, girl." Petyr and Robin stared aghast at Lysa. "What, it was a slip! And with all the flirting, I am starting to worry about you two. Petyr, should I be worried? She is beautiful, she is young and almost of breed-able age. I'll understand, we can role play or something."</p><p>Petyr was trying hard not to throw up into his eggs at the thought of Lysa in Sansa's clothing and a red wig. "Darling, our son hears you!" Robin blurted out, "Don't worry about me, Mother. I want to see if her hair flies pretty all around her as she fall down. I knocked her down yesterday and it was kind of fun. She is pretty when she is upset."</p><p>Lysa smiled but grabbed her son and patted his shoulders. "Don't give in to that feeling, darling. Remember Scootie the Hamster? You need to not hurt yourself or others or we will have to see the doctors again." During Sansa's shower, Robin waited outside the door with an excellent selection of towels. He was careful to empty the cabinet out of them in the bathroom. Petyr caught him at it and just happened to still be lecturing the boy when Sansa called out for a towel. While Sansa locked her bedroom door to get ready, she answered questions.</p><p>No, she needed no assistance. No, nothing needed zipping, buttoning or judging so they could please leave her alone to get ready. Sansa managed to let the hairdresser in while keeping the men out. They only dared to act this way while Lysa while with her maid still getting ready. As soon as Lysa came out of her room, the males ran off to get ready. Sansa allowed the hairdresser to create some pretty curls with her curling iron but Sansa finished the bun herself, letting tendrils fall. Sansa started to add a bit of makeup when she started to cry.</p><p>Lysa came in and hugged the desolate girl. The spiteful woman simply couldn't ignore the girl's true felt pain. "I understand, dear. I am here for you. I will help you fix your makeup. You know what, do you know what your mother's favorite food was during her pregnancy with you? Lemon cakes. Normally your mother never ate sweets but when you were in her tummy, she became the terror of every bakery." Sansa sniffed and giggled softly and Lysa wiped her eyes and nose for her. "Now, how about a nice sweater for your dress so your cleavage doesn't catch cold?"</p><p>Arya wore the pantsuit and didn't mind that it was a little too long. She wore the black boots with a chunky heel, happy that Cersei remembered that Arya favored boots. She used the comb and gel to force her hair to slick back flat and added the small gold chain that the woman added. Arya ignored the make up and the small manicure set.</p><p>Suddenly there was a voice inside her head. "Don't forget to write a small thank you note to Cersei. The woman has no reason to do anything nice for you and she did. It's worth five minutes of a writer's cramp, don't you think?"</p><p>Cersei blinked at the text she received as she was fixing the tie on Rickon. "My Ma said to tell you thank you very much for the outfit and boots."</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0015"><h2>15. Polite Mourning</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>Show and Tell by Melanie Martinez</p>
          </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>"Sansa, are you sure you are comfortable, my darling niece? Perhaps you'd like to borrow my coat?" Sansa sighed. "Over my own coat and dress, Aunt Lysa? No, I am already hot enough with every button on my coat done up by you. Plus this headscarf feels very...extra." Lysa patted her niece's well padded knee. "Never wise to flirt with a cold. Or my men." Blinking, Sansa asked, "When did I flirt, Aunt Lysa?" "Just in case, my love. Here let's just add my coat anyway. Petyr, ask the limo driver to turn down the heat a little!"</p>
<p>Petyr observed Robin use his cuticle scissors to steal a bit of Sansa's hair and leaned very close to the boy. "Remember my golden rule, Robin. Repeat it for me, please." Robin replied, squirming in his seat. "Perfect in public or you'll take me in private and beat me until I sob like a baby." This was something about Petyr that Robin hated. The first time Robin had gone out with Petyr to a baseball game, Robin spit on a lady that was in his way.</p>
<p>Petyr took Robin into the car without a word. He drove to a deserted lot and spanked him so hard Robin couldn't sit all the way home. When Robin got home and tried to complain to his mother, Petyr took his mother away from him into another room. Robin could hear Petyr using his special voice on his mother and she didn't even TRY to defend him! Robin hated that Petyr had that power over her but he simply decided to protect his bottom and behave in public.</p>
<p>In the Baratheon's limousine, Joff was trading insults with Rob while Tommen and Bran were scolding Jon for trying to make out with the maid. Rickon and Myrcella were arguing over who will win a game later on. Robert and Cersei said nothing, they didn't have to. The second the vehicle stopped, the group straightened up and went silent. They filed out and Cersei went down the line of them, straightening ties and jackets.</p>
<p>The Lannister limousine passed the Boltons limousine and Jaime commented dryly, "Damon just showed me his ass and Ramsay inflated his nostrils at me. I do believe I saw Arya trying to find her ejection seat button. Pity." Breinne gave him a swipe on the head. Tywin glared at her and nudged Tyrion to speak for him. "Dearest and Greatest of Female Titans! My father wishes for you to remember he is sharing a car with you. Please refrain from any emotion."</p>
<p>Ramsay politely helped Arya from the car and handed her off to Roose. Domeric and Ramsay smiled nicely at each other. They followed their father, Damon followed the brothers, silent and respectful. Tyrion sidled up to him and softly said, "Damon, what short thin man did you kill for that outfit and why? Couldn't you simply rob a Big and Tall store?" Damon blushed and mildly rumbled, "Beat it, Bit Coin."</p>
<p>Theon almost tripped over Tyrion. "Hey, careful, Sir! I'll get in trouble if I'm not to Ramsay's standards." Tyrion raised an eyebrow. "Don't you mean Roose's standards?" Shaking his head slightly, Theon responded to a sharp look by Damon. Hurrying forward, Theon walked next to Damon with his head down as if in prayer. Tywin shook Roose's hand.</p>
<p>"Congratulations on your son finally getting a job. Judging by his outfit it must be as a Blackjack Dealer." Gritting his teeth, Roose smoothly responded, "We had some last minute tailoring tragedies."</p>
<p>Lysa pulled the furry mound out of the car and watched as it gracefully started to sink. Perhaps adding Robin and Petyr's coats was a bit too much. Both Robin and Petyr saw their chance and dove in to rescue the damsel in distress. Lysa jumped in the way and Cersei swooped in from nowhere to catch the young woman. Arya hurried over and began to release her sister from the mountainous confines.</p>
<p>The Stark children all stood together for the brief but touching services. Most of Westeros showed for the humble but prominent family of the Starks. It was during the reception portion that the Starks separated. Cersei was scandalized at the sight of Ygritte jingling in leather and chains heading for Jon. A sharp eye towards her maid sent the young woman over to comfort Jon. He followed her further into the trees and Ygritte left in a snit.</p>
<p>The Reeds came to offer condolences and they took Bran away in a puff of smoke. Ramsay and Damon almost followed but Domeric pulled them back at the last second. "Father will leech you until you turn into vampires." Joff comforted his girlfriend. "Ick. You are sweaty and sticky. That's disgusting and at your parents big Bon Voyage? You are despicable. I am kind of turned on."</p>
<p>Sansa smiled at Joff. "Petyr and Robin are chasing me. It made Aunt Lysa go all nutty. She's going to smother me to death. Don't you care at all, Joff?" The boy snorted at the still mildly hopeful girl. "Nah, not really. I mean, you are the prettiest richest girl for me to marry but I mean, I can find another." Sansa narrowed her eyes slightly. "Do you mean that Tyrell thing? Go for it then. I don't think I want to marry you after all. So bye."</p>
<p>Sansa landed in Arya's giggling arms before she could embarrass herself by flouncing off. "Should've had an exit plan. That was great though. I don't think Mom or Dad really planned on letting it happen. Both of them hated Joffrey but you seemed to like him, ya know." Sansa blinked tears back and smiled a bit. "Yeah, I guess you are right. I sort of built it all up in my head."</p>
<p>Petyr, Robin and Joff all seemed to come forward until Arya bared her teeth at them. "Thirsty fucking lads, huh?" Sansa gasped. "Don't talk that way! You are too young!" Cocking an eyebrow at her sister, Arya said dryly, "I spent time with the Bolton boys. I know everything now." Sansa huffed with amusement. "I doubt you know as much as you think you do!"</p>
<p>Arya spoke kindly but bluntly. "I know that I need a training bra. That I wear grandma undies, whatever those are. I know that Damon wishes for a blowjob from Rob's girlfriend. I know that Ramsay wants to fuck Theon more than he will ever want to fuck me. Oh, I know what fuck means. Like in detail, I heard all about it." Sansa was outraged. "I'll kill them! How dare they speak like that in front of you!" Arya rolled her eyes. "I am ELEVEN!"</p>
<p>Sansa cried out, "Exactly! I am almost fifteen and I didn't learn about half that stuff until I was thirteen! And I learned all of it from Joffrey!" Shrugging, Arya responded. "Well, then I am following tradition. The future husband telling us all about the gross stuff." Sansa grabbed Arya's hand and squeezed it. "Listen. You do NOT have to marry that sadist! I don't either! We can make our own choices now. We don't belong to anyone."</p>
<p>Petyr leaned over both girls and his talons came to rest upon their shoulders. "That isn't entirely true, girls. Until you are eighteen, you will remain the ward of myself or Robert. And the will dictates all of your freedoms or lack thereof."</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0016"><h2>16. Idle Pratter</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>Wheels On The Bus by Melanie Martinez</p>
          </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Sansa hugged the siblings she could find very tightly and promised to text them very soon. Rob smiled at her. "Soon as Petyr reads the will, we all will be together again. Just try to hang on until then." Sansa shot back, "Easy for you to say. You don't have two perverts and a crazy lady all stalking you. But I know it will be worth it. But...where will we all be going? Who will realistically take all of us? We are going to end up in some labor farm situation. Remember how the Manderley's take in fosters during apple picking season? That's us now."</p>
<p>Arya managed to pick pocket several guests and Cersei was handed back her own phone. "Little cretin. Thank you for my cell phone back. You look nice in the outfit. Why are you bothering me, child?" Arya looked like she was going to be sick. "Thanks for the help today. Ramsay said I needed a training bra. How do I get one and I am flat as a board. What am I training?" Cersei groaned and grabbing a hold of the girl she went to speak to Roose. The man was red within a moment of Cersei explaining the needed shopping trip for the girl.</p>
<p>Jon managed to extract himself from Bettina long enough to say goodbye to his sisters along with Rickon. The poor boy was in tears. "I don't like it. Why can't they come with us? Please? And where's Bran? Why does he get to run off and get high? Its not fair!" Robin sidled up to his cousin Rickon and advised, "Calm down. If you get loud or noticed, someone is bound to burn your backside off for it." Shireen came up on Rickon's other side. "Not true. Today is your one golden ticket to being as dramatic as you'd like. Only when a parent dies can you be this dramatic or when your lover dies!"</p>
<p>Robin looked at her with extreme suspicion. "You got that from the movies!" Petyr glanced over at the raised voice and Robin dove behind Rickon. Shireen stuck her nose up at Petyr who wished he dared to bare his teeth at the girl. "Is he still looking this way?" Robin whispered and Shireen shook her head. "No. Creepyr Petyr is back to eyeing Sansa while Lysa eyes him. It doesn't look very healthy all in all for Sansa." Rickon groaned. "Great. My oldest sister is going to be molested!" Robin seethed. "It's not fair. Sansa is MY cousin, why can Petyr molest her?"</p>
<p>It was almost as if he were conjured. Everyone's eyes were suddenly on a large morose man lingering around the urn next to the blown up picture of Ned and Cat on their wedding day. Benjen seemed to examine the handsome stern features of his brother before shedding a few tears. Petyr and Lysa reached for Sansa to protect her. Just to discover a row of Stark children surrounding her, staring with black button eyes at their Uncle. Benjen looked taken aback at how they all stared at him. "My brother died and not one of you told me. I found out from the news. What a terrible sin for you all."</p>
<p>Petyr spoke in a hissing tone. "You molested your own niece! You are welcome to mourn your brother but you are not welcome to speak to the children." Benjen started to head for him in a relaxed but rolling sort of way. Rob took a step forward. "Are you drunk, Uncle Benjen? Did you show to my dad's service drunk? Get out, now. Get out." With a vicious sort of glee, Petyr clapped his hands for the bodyguards to deal with Benjen. Sansa and Jon both stepped forward. "No, let him mourn and say his goodbyes. It's his right."</p>
<p>Robert looked about then confessed to Cersei, "We are missing a few kids. I have a feeling the Reeds have more than one customer. You want to go after them with me? We can just meander until we find a smokestack?" That is exactly what they did and Cersei's high heels did not thank her for it but they indeed found the smoke stack and the tokers. "Joff and Bran, get your asses back to the service!" Soon as the kids ran away, Robert glared at the Reeds while Cersei took the joint from them. "Go home, Hippies."</p>
<p>The couple smoked the joint until they burnt their fingers then smoked a little more. It made the rest of the outdoor service a little more tolerable. Tywin watched the stoned couple walk past him and he sneered. Jaime and Breinne were acting as interference, keeping Benjen from visiting the kids. Robert glared at Benjen then spoke heavily. "I will be the new parent of all of the Stark children, Benjen. I could have used your help and guidance! Why'd you do that to poor little Sansa, huh? Now I can't trust you." Benjen coolly denied it. "I never molested that girl. Never stole her underwear."</p>
<p>"Huh? What? There was your evidence on the panties, man!" Tywin thundered, unable to ignore this facade any longer. He was at the end of his rope with all of them. Not a single adult was there with the children, just there to show for them. And Tywin found that beyond the pale. Benjen stared at Tywin with distaste. "I've never touched the girl. Ask her yourself." Cersei gave a start and looked over at Sansa. "Did your uncle touch you?" Sansa shook her head. "I was told by my mother that my panties were in his room. That Petyr told her."</p>
<p>Lysa was giving Petyr the same look as the others and Petyr tried to touch Lysa's arm. "Love, I have never touched Sansa. Never. I love only you." Robin rolled his eyes along with Sansa but kept his mouth shut. Since Sansa started to live with them, Robin has been using his mind more. Sansa has been teaching him to be patient but to learn to see what was really going on around him. Robin was getting better at it. "Petyr must have hid the panties!" Sansa grabbed Robin just as Petyr reached him. "You can't beat him privately. Gonna do it in public?"</p>
<p>Lysa gasped in shock. "We are all leaving now, heading home. We don't have to listen to these baseless accusations! Sansa, Robin, get into the car!" Petyr grabbed the two kids and leaped into the limousine. Cersei gritted her teeth but took a step forward. "Maybe Sansa should come with us?" Lysa hissed, "She's my niece and nothing to you! I will prove how safe she is with us!" Sansa looked at her siblings from the back of the car as it sped away. "Both of you are little traitors to your own family! Soon as we get home you'll both be sorry." Hissed Petyr and Lysa pretended not to hear.</p>
<p>Roose turned to Tywin. "I already have Theon and Arya plus a Damon. I simply don't have any extra space. But I will make some if we can get Sansa away from Petyr and Lysa. I don't feel right leaving the young girl with such a family. Perhaps you have some space?" Tywin stammered and blustered. "I have a confirmed bachelor home. Its three men and one occasional behemoth!" Brienne snorted from behind him. "Old cantankerous man. I care about that girl's safety as well! I say we go get her and bring her back. Tyrion, you agree, don't you?"</p>
<p>Tyrion winked at Brienne. "Course I do! I am also in it for the sheer chaos!"</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0017"><h2>17. Birds Eye View</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>This Little Girl by Cadey Groves</p>
          </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Robert shook his head, stubborn to the end and announced, "I am going to Lysa's. I am getting Sansa out of there. Benjen, you may come with me." Benjen burped favorably but Cersei asked, "Oh? Ditching me and taking Benjen? And did you plan on taking your limousine? Because the Stark kids and our own just stole it and left." Tyrion cackled, having brightened up with all the action. "Shireen, hurry, take me to your father's limousine. I'll steer and you can operate the pedals."</p><p>Grumbling, Stannis grabbed his daughter and blocked the driver's door. "You will not! I am a judge, I cannot get involved." Stannis ushered his daughter into the limousine and accidentally told the driver to follow the others. Tywin swore and grabbed his sons, shoving them into the limousine. "Medusa, hurry up! I need you to stomp upon Creepry Petyr. Oh god, they have me acting the animal along with them!"</p><p>Giving a quick whoop, Ramsay, Damon and Arya Tokyo drifted past them all to join the chase. Roose and Domeric shook their fists along with Cersei and Robert. A moment later a vehicle trundled by and wheezed to a stop. "Need a ride, lads?." It nearly killed Cersei to step into the Reeds van. The door slid open and plumes of smoke poured out. By the time they left the green and found the street, Roose and Domeric were high as kites.  </p><p>Petyr got out first and helped Lysa out. Kissing her cheek, he whispered to her. "I am taking the children to the roof to discipline them. I won't have your soft heart aching to save them. But I promise a long visit to you right afterwards, love." Lysa melted in spite of her terrible worries and went inside. Petyr helped each of the kids out and kept a strong hold on each of their shoulders as they took the elevator up to the roof.</p><p>Sansa had never really feared Petyr before. She hadn't feared anyone until right this second. It was the first time she was truly scared of her creepy Uncle Petyr. "Uncle Petyr, I- Sansa had a moment of shock when Petyr shoved her out of the elevator onto the chilly, windy roof. "You will learn to hold your tongue! Both of you." Petyr unbuttoned his coat then began to undo his belt. "Oh shit, its the belt this time." Robin shrieked.</p><p>Robin was already in tears, hiding behind Sansa. Petyr reached out a gloved hand to bring Sansa closer as his belt dangled from his other hand. Sansa reacted on instinct, not logic or actual thought. Planting her lips firmly on Petyr's, Sansa pressed her hands into his chest, which froze him. A bulge came from below and Petyr moaned into her mouth. Carefully, slowly, Sansa kissed Petyr while walking forwards, making him go backwards, so slowly.  </p><p>Petyr stuck his tongue in Sansa's mouth but she kept pressing forward and forced her gag reflex down. Robin felt such outrage, first Petyr plans to beat them now he is kissing Robin's beloved cousin! Robin isn't allowed to kiss her like that! Petyr only kisses his mother like that! Robin ran forward just as Sansa pulled back a little from Petyr. "Please don't beat us, Sir! Kiss me instead."</p><p>Robin laughed when he saw that Sansa had Petyr on the edge of the roof. Sansa gave a hearty shove just as Robin launched and she barely got the kid before he launched over the edge. They fell against the ledge and watched Petyr get smaller and smaller. They heard Aunt Lysa's wretched scream as Petyr plunged past her window. It was the first time Robin heard his mother scream and smiled over it. </p><p>The Stark boys had just reached the building at the same time as Arya, Ramsay and Damon. The group ran to get buzzed into the lobby when Petyr came plunging down. Rob and Jon both got covered in blood and brain tissue. Shireen came right over but Stannis called the authorities in, while Brienne tried to make order. "I am a police detective! Back off, kids." Tyrion confided to the kids, "Jaime is an officer too but he's off duty this week."</p><p>A van with painted vikings shooting lasers from their nipples showed up. Blearily, Cersei, Robert, Domeric and Roose floated out of the van and over to the crime scene. Lysa came flying out the door, screaming Petyr's name and all the Stark kids ran past her to get inside. They found Sansa and Robin giggling on the roof. Sansa hugged her siblings. "The fool started to beat us and we fooled him right over the edge!"</p><p>They all brought Sansa and Robin out of the building, past Petyr who Lysa was crying over. Lysa released the flattened man to launch at Sansa. "WHAT DID YOU DO, YOU BAD WHORE! YOU KILLED HIM DIDN'T YOU? GET AWAY FROM MY SON! I'LL KILL YOU MYSELF!" Robin stared at his mother sadly as she got taken down by Jaime and Brienne. "Mom has snapped her last straw, I think."</p><p>Stannis was rubbing his aching head. "I want that will on my desk, Detectives. Today. In the meantime, let's get Lysa committed for her own safety. Who would like to watch Robin while I-hello? HELLO? YOU SPINELESS COWARDS, COME BACK HERE!"</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0018"><h2>18. Somewhere New</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>You Can Call Me Al by Paul Simon</p>
          </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Theon sat on a tree stump and wiped his eyes. Even his own captor forgot him. It made Theon feel just a little sorry for himself. Luckily, the limousine drivers were so vexed at having their vehicles confiscated that no one noticed him. Stealing the urn and a pack of cigarettes he found on a driver, Theon began to chain smoke, careful to keep the ashes in with the ashes. He managed to walk halfway back to the Boltons before a limousine nearly ran him down.</p><p>"BAD DOG! GET OUT OF THE STREET AND INTO THIS CAR! WHY DIDN'T YOU STAY AT THE PARK! GET IN HERE!"</p><p>Theon spun around and yelled loud enough to startle birds in the trees above. "YOU ABANDONED ME! YOU FORGOT ME! FUCK OFF!" Damon gasped, Ramsay's jaw dropped, Domeric's eyes bugged out and Roose sighed. Ramsay leaped out of the limousine. "What did you just say to me? Shut up and get in here! I came back for you!" Theon slammed a fist into Ramsay's shoulder as he approached.</p><p>"YOU KIDNAPPED ME AND THEN YOU JUST DUMP ME? AS BAD AS MY FUCKING FAMILY, AREN'T YOU? NEVER MIND. I DON'T WANT TO BE YOUR PET ANYWAY SINCE YOU CAN'T TAKE CARE OF ME! JUST GO WITHOUT ME, GO ON!" Damon looked confused, Arya was glued to the drama along with Domeric and Roose was checking his texts. Muttering to himself, Roose declined to answer any of Stannis's calls. The limo driver beeped the horn. Ramsay was trying to strangle and kiss his sobbing, raging pet.</p><p>"I hate your cages and collars and pain." Theon confessed shyly and Ramsay laughed. "I don't care. You will love me no matter what I do. Get in the fucking car before I break your stupid doggie face." Ramsay promised Theon a collar and leash so he won't forget him ever again. Theon looked happy over this and Damon nearly pulled his hair out. "WHY WOULD YOU WANT THAT? BULLIED BOYS DON'T SMILE! CRY!"</p><p>Arya smiled at Domeric and Roose. "There. Another great love story. Now I don't have to marry anyone. Perfect. Not that I would have anyway. I also don't plan on having kids. Like ever." Roose cleared his throat and told the driver to go. "Glad to hear that, Arya. Excellent news. No one will ever want to marry ANY of you as far as I can see. Now time to find a training bra. That's a sentence I never wanted to say less. I implore all of you to try and act your best at the mall or you all will join in a sumptuous repast for my leeches this evening."</p><p>Having not gone to the malls very often, Roose was lost within a moment. He stood in the rotunda staring at the lovely yet odd stained glass ceiling above him. "Up the escalator and to the right, Sir. Uh, Mr. Bolton? Are you okay?" Ramsay sneered at Damon. "Don't bother. He's having a moment. Let's all use this moment wisely and split up. If we all go our different ways..." Domeric shook his head. "Then we all get leeched over some idiots with a bad idea? No thanks. Dad? Hey...Dad?"</p><p>Roose broke away from the vaulted ceiling and smiled at Arya. "I need to speak with my son for a moment. Please excuse us. I want the boys to all escort you to this unknown store. They can wait while you are harnessed, fitted...whatever. Domeric and I shall be right there, thanks." Arya looked less than pleased with her escort to an underwear store but didn't dare argue. At least not with Roose. She did argue with Theon, Ramsay and Damon the whole way. They argued on where it was, how to get there, whether it would be worth robbing or not.</p><p>Walda Frey was smiling in the door, modeling a new body con dress. "Oh my god, look at you! Walda, I remember you at Sansa's tea parties and sleepovers! How are you? Wow, what are you doing?" Walda smiled at Arya. "Got a job here, I take turns modeling things and working inside the store. Can I help you with something today, Arya?" Blushing, the girl blurted out, "I need a training bra." The boys burst into laughter until Walda's eyes landed upon them. "Arya, why don't you go inside and tell my boss what you need. He will have you set up in a heart beat, dearest."</p><p>"Got any fat jokes for me, boys? Nothing? Oh come on, just one, right?" Not a single one of the boys dared to pass Walda. They just backed away uneasily and ran off into the mall. Arya went inside a foreign land of silk, satin and perfume. Varys smiled at Arya and beckoned her forward towards a marble counter. "Judging by your age, you need your very first bra, don't you? Oh perfect, I have a great selection I just got in. Let's find out your size and get you started, dear." The gentle chatter and soft hands took over and Arya was eager for it.</p><p>"Let's also set you up with some matching underwear, I can see you are no nonsense. No lace or satin, no bows or trimmings. Soft t shirt materials and colors that get your point across. Here we are, dear." Arya blinked at the items laid out on the counter before her. Two different kinds of bras and underwear, a new jogging outift and some pajamas. "Perfect. Thank you, Sir. My foster father will be along to pay for this. Mind if I wander the store and look at stuff while I wait?"</p><p>Roose kept a tight hand on Domeric's shoulder and they looked together at the ceiling in dismay. Roose's voice was soft and forgiving. "Son, why don't I use this mall often? It's very close to home, its far more convenient for shopping. No arguing that fact. So why don't I use it unless I have to?" Domeric cleared his throat awkwardly. "Because it is a Lannister mall and they screwed you over on a deal for it?" Roose nodded. "I remember when I sent you to your University how proud I would be to see your art displayed on a building. Not on my enemies ceilings!"</p><p>"This was an argument I was trying to avoid, Father. We can't all live on you or for you. I will never be a lawyer, I am going to work in designs, I am going to sell to who buys it. I don't care about your fights, father, they are yours, not mine. I don't hold grudges, Sir." Roose hissed, "You would just turn your back on your family and your father?" Domeric sighed. "That's not what I said and you know it. Let's find the others."</p><p>Ben Bones watched with raised eyebrows as Ramsay and Theon raided his pet store. They bought a lovely black collar and leash on Roose's extra credit card and then they went into the gaming store. Roose found them just before they tried to buy a massage chair along with several games they wished to try. "Ah, my leeches shall be fat tonight!" He trilled softly as they handed towards the underwear store. Roose blinked at the price a little but he didn't argue with Varys. "Arya and I had a lovely talk. Very informative one." Varys hinted pointedly. </p><p>Theon shrugged and asked Ramsay, "Is it that big of a deal to wear a bra? I mean, she's still flat expect for those nipples that poke right out of-OW!" Giving Ramsay a small hurt look, Theon reacted to the snap of the leash against his ass fast. His forehead pressed against Ramsay's chest and stayed there until they left. Ramsay himself liked the joke but Domeric was giving him a warning look. Something has set off father and they could spell danger for his sons. This wasn't a joke at all and Ramsay whispered, "Dog and Damon need to stay silent tonight in front of father."</p><p>Roose looked irate and then Walda walked by, giving him a little secret grin. His face seemed to melt even as he seemed to bristle. No one questioned they just reacted. Arya gave Roose an exuberant thank you but caught on to his feelings. "I am sorry for the cost, Sir." Roose smiled. "Nope, you needed these items and I will be compensated later, I am sure. So let's continue onward. I believe we are done and can leave this infernal place? Good." They looked like straggling ducklings following an angry goose across the parking lot.</p><p>Starting the engine, the limousine driver couldn't understand any of these people. Why won't they let him drop them off? He wants so badly to get home. Finally the group entered the vehicle and the girl was clutching her purchase with a look of defiance and joy. Strange folks for sure. The boy wearing a collar seems happy, the one holding the leash is happier. The hulking giant was sulking and the eldest son and the father seemed to be awkward with each other. Gendry doesn't care. He wants to get some sleep. He has an uber shift tomorrow.</p><p>Gendry did catch the young girl blushing hard while staring at him. The kid was too young but it was flattering and Gendry grinned at her. Arya turned bright red and dropped the urn.</p><p> </p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0019"><h2>19. Bland Fights</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>How To Be A Heartbreaker by MARINA</p>
          </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Several terse negotiations were happening at the local diner. Benjen sat across from Robert and Cersei, eating waffles and talking with a sickening sort of confidence. "I have rented a room and can easily find an apartment tomorrow. I can get a two bedroom for myself and my niece!" Cersei was sick of adding children to her full home. She leaned over to smile at Benjen. "Over my dead body. Sansa will go with us until the will is read."</p><p>Robert smirked and Cersei kicked him under the table. Benjen guffawed. "The pot calling the kettle black! You think it's appropriate the girl goes with her boyfriend to live? I don't find that right either." Jaime scoffed. "That's a bit thin, Benjen. The kids are what, thirteen or fourteen?" Tyrion couldn't help himself. "So were Romeo and Juliet." Cersei found a new target to kick.</p><p>Tywin took a quick bite of his fruit bowl before looking out the window for Stannis. "How did I become the lookout?" "Fear of ending up with Robin as a foster kid." Tommen supplied helpfully. Myrcella took another large spoonful of ice cream while watching the dramas unfold in front of her.</p><p>Joff stared at Sansa. She was getting tired of it, he's been doing it ever since she spoke to him. "I don't understand." Sighing, Sansa kept her voice as gentle as she could. "This is the fourth time you said that. What don't you get? I want to break up. I don't want to go out with you anymore. Go out with Margeary Tyrell. You've wanted to for a while anyways."</p><p>"That makes no sense, Sansa. I want you to be jealous of Marge, that's all. Also, you can't break up with me, I do the breaking up. I'm not ready yet." Rob blinked at Jon. "He said that five times now. How stupid is he?" Jon leaned forward and got Joff's attention. "Little pissant. It's over. No more dating my sister. No more. All done. Understand yet? She broke up with you. She has a right too. As a human. Do you understand?"</p><p>Myrcella poked Bran with a cold spoon. "I think he's catatonic." Rickon snorted. "Nah, he's just depressed. He's used to pranking with Arya. On his own, he's just sort of....bland. Watch this." Rickon stole Tywin's oatmeal and slid it next to Bran. "See? The oatmeal suddenly perks up, doesn't it?" Tywin rapped his heavy ring against Rickon's head as he took his oatmeal back.</p><p>Too late did Sansa's eyes widen, she couldn't react in time. <em><strong>SLAP!</strong> </em></p><p>Adults and children froze alike as Sansa's cheek turned crimson and Joff heaved over her. "YOU CUNT! I DECIDE WHEN WE ARE THROUGH! APOLOGIZE TO ME! LOOK WHAT YOU MADE ME DO? I AM DUMPING YOU, HEAR ME, YOU BITCH?" The Starks launched as a group and Joff squealed in terror. Robert plucked his son from the melee and shook him. "Violence is never the answer, son. I'll kill you before they can." Cersei snatched Joff from Robert. "NO!"</p><p>The Reeds showed up and slid into a booth nearby. Bran, Jon and Rob all wandered over to their booth and Jojen passed out a different kind of edible. Tyrion arched an eyebrow. "Where did they get money to buy edibles? Wait, I have money and want an edible. Where's my wallet, HEY!" The enraged dwarf stole his wallet back from Bran. "So much for lethargic depressives." Bran shrugged. "It reminded me of fun times with my sister."</p><p>Benjen slammed his fist on the table. "Sansa will not live in that house with that violent boy!" Tywin rolled his eyes. "Enough of this. The girl will not stay with you, Benjen. If you are that concerned, I will allow the girl to stay at my home. A few days until the will is read. Solved." </p><p>Stannis read the will in his private home study while Robin and Shireen were watching horror movies. "Oh my god. That asshole. How cruel." Stannis wished mightily to bring Petyr back to life just to kill him all over again. It was clear that this will was no longer anything resembling what Ned might have wanted. The man wouldn't have been this cruel, to hurt his children this way? Never.</p><p>A quick text informed all of them that Stannis wished to read them the will in the morning. It was too long of a night for any of the adults to truly worry about the will. It took the collective charms and humor of Jaime and Tyrion to get Sansa to stop crying on the way to their home. At first it was thought that Joff's slap was the cause for Sansa's upset. To Tywin's horror, Sansa stood in the doorway to the bar area as the men had brandy.</p><p>Her face was pale, her eyes teary and high hectic color on her cheeks. "Excuse me, uh, I...just got my first period..uh...I don't have anything I need..." Jaime found himself in the nearest convenience store trying to understand the difference between wings, sizes. Cersei told him in text to stick with pads with wings, a box of chocolates, a box of Advil and a heating pad. Tywin paced and drank while Sansa locked herself into the bathroom.</p><p>Tyrion had become useless, due to the strong edible he consumed earlier. He lay on the couch in the living room and solved his life problems with a shiteating grin and volcano cracked eyes. Normally Cersei would have shown to assist Sansa with something so impactful. But Cersei was having her own troubles with her guests. Rob, Jon and Bran consumed more edibles than Tyrion had and they were reacting to it.</p><p>Rob was clinging to the silk wallpaper on the staircase, inching up slowly. He has been at it for an hour. That wallpaper was pure silk, imported and expensive for the sweaty rough hands of a boy! Jon kept trying to chase around Cersei's maid, making it hard for the girl to get her duties done. And Bran! He was truly Cersei's bane tonight. Climbing all over the outside and inside of the house. </p><p>Rickon and Myrcella were watching movies that Shireen had recommended. The movie was going well until Bran decided to land on their window. Perhaps they wouldn't have freaked out if they weren't watching Fright Night. Bran had scurried away to a different window. He found himself grinning as he watched Robert give Joff a twenty minute spanking while Cersei desperately tried to unlock the door.</p><p>Roose rewarded Arya for avoiding trouble by letting her help him with the leeches. "Careful with the way you hold them, now drop it gently on the skin. Very good." Arya applied the leeches to Ramsay and Theon with good cheer. Domeric and Damon were relieved to have escaped punishment tonight. Both were still a bit confused by the relationship growing between Ramsay and Theon.</p><p>Damon was afraid this new relationship will sour his own with Ramsay. Domeric was afraid that Theon was sinking under Ramsay's dangerous influence. Arya was starting to worry that she was enjoying her stay here far too much. It turns out she has an interest in some of the darker aspects of being a Bolton. If it weren't for how badly Arya missed her siblings, she'd  be very content to stay here.</p><p>But with every new thing Roose taught her, Arya ached to show it to Bran. She longed to freak out Sansa with tales of the leeches. Arya wished she could tell Jon about the Dreadfort. Tease Rob about knowing more about fighting and torture than he does now. Arya wishes to try some of the lighter tortures upon Rickon. Arya played cards with Domeric then played a video game with Damon. She still felt lonely.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0020"><h2>20. Red Tape</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>Believe It Or Not by Joey Scarbury (Greatest American Hero Theme song)</p>
          </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Edmund sat uneasily next to Benjen, who was flanked by Roose. Next to the Leech Lord sat Cersei and Robert, Tywin, Jaime and Tyrion. Stannis stood before the seated adults and his face was grim.</p><p>"I shall give you the details of this abomination. Brace yourselves." Clearing his throat, the judge spoke.</p><p>"Petyr had written that the following foster/adoption situations were by the parents wishes. Arya is to remain with the Boltons until her eighteenth birthday and then would marry Ramsay. Only then would she receive her inheritance. Petyr of course, took Sansa for his own home and would manage her inheritance until she married or turned twenty one. Rob and Bran would remain with the Baratheon's until they turned twenty one and could gain their inheritance. Jon is to go with his Uncle Benjen until he is of age. There is nothing left to Jon. Most cruel of all, Petyr promised Rickon to the Manderlay's as payment for some debt. This will cannot stand, of course. Any suggestions before I rule?"</p><p>Cersei gave a bitter laugh and wiped an eye.</p><p>"Ned and Cat were cold, archaic and strict but they loved their children and would NEVER divide them like that. To send little Rickon to labor over a debt? Never. And Ned would have surely left Jon something. They were not cruel parents. I would give anything to kill Petyr again." Robert patted her shoulder.</p><p>Roose's soft voice was reasonable and calm. "Arya is welcome to stay with us. She gets along wonderfully with our family. However, I cannot take her siblings too. I already am fostering Theon and Damon plus I have my own troublesome sons." He cast a baleful eye at the Lannisters. "Domeric has found work, as Tywin is more than aware. Arya has a paper route but Ramsay, Damon and Theon aren't capable of much yet. I hope she will inspire them."</p><p>Edmure spoke up. "Rosalyn has calmed herself and said she would be willing to take Sansa. She could use the help with the baby." Cersei glared at him. "The girl is not born for common labor anymore than Rickon is. All of these children are used to a certain way of living. They are highly educated, socially engaged and are children of privilege. We aren't going to turn them into nannies, farmhands or whatever Benjen would do to Jon."</p><p>Robert smiled. "I know that it would be a lot, Cersei. I appreciate that you care about their futures as much as I do." Cersei poured herself a drink from the dusty bar in Stannis's study. "I know it's unfashionably early, gentlemen. But I am about to raise nine children so, excuse my bracing drink." Stannis shook his head. "No. That is far too many children, Cersei. Besides, I have heard disturbing things about my eldest nephew. He needs his parents attention."</p><p>Stannis grimly stated, "I see no choice but to divide the children. I will do this as minimally as possible. I am taking on Robin myself to reduce the stress. Shireen does well with him so far. We do not know how long Lysa will be hospitalized." Tywin suddenly stood up. "You cannot keep separating these children. I have plenty of room and I will foster all six of them."</p><p>Stannis hid his relieved smile. "Excellent, I accept your service! Once we've unraveled all the mess that Petyr made, we can divide the inheritance fairly between all of the children. I will allow the children to access their accounts for a living under your roof, Tywin. You can manage it for them until they reach eighteen. I am not going to honor the arranged marriages. Another archaic rule we do not need."</p><p>"Since Benjen and Edmure haven't been able to put forth the effort others have, I shall offer them the chance to do so now. Each of you will donate to offset the expenses of this many children until I can release their money. Be thrilled you are all lawyers, it might take all your efforts to help me get through all the red tape."</p><p>Cersei brought her father a coffee and sat next to him. "Are you sure about this? I mean, we three were a handful. You want to raise six kids, mostly teenagers in various states of sexuality and attitude?"</p><p>Tywin nodded. "Yes. I have hired a woman to help out. Your cousin recommended her. Lancel says she is very quiet and discreet but has spent a good amount of time running Sunday school classes. I am sure she will work out just fine. Her name is Unella. One of those Sparrows but highly qualified."</p><p>Cersei shuddered. "Sounds horrendous. I'll remind the kids if they run away to run to my place."</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0021"><h2>21. Blood Pressure</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>House Staff: Break My Stride by Mathew WIlder<br/>Stark and Reeds: Department of Youth by Alice Cooper</p>
          </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>To say that Tywin's household staff was set in their ways was to put things very mildly. Tywin lined them all up and explained the new circumstances which they will all be living under. Because of who they worked for, every staff member was loyal, quiet, efficient and lived on the grounds. Some lived within small cottages that dotted the massive estate.</p><p>Gregor was head of security, Barb was head of housekeeping, Hot Pie was the chef, Sterling was the butler and Unella would be joining soon as the nanny. Tywin assured them that the six children would not be a problem. They didn't believe him but said nothing. How could six teenagers not be trouble? Once they were dismissed, they all had a tea and talk.</p><p>Barb's arthritic hands deftly filled a silver tea ball and set it within the steaming ceramic kettle. A thin mouth slashed with a screaming red lipstick opened to reveal far too bright dentures. It accepted a long thin cigarette before announcing, "This is gonna be a shit show. Tywin's lost his mind." Hot Pie slumped over the wooden table. "They won't like my food. What use does a teen have for kidney pie or a good Sheppard's pie?"</p><p>Clearing his throat slightly, Sterling grumbled as he poured the tea. His silver hair was coiffed perfectly but his tall, thin physique was shaking just ever so slightly. "We shall adjust. As we have before. Having children here is not new. We host Tywin's grandchildren several times a year. If we can handle Joffrey we can handle anything." Gregor picked up his teacup with a surprising grace. The teacup sat hostage in the huge paw of a hand.</p><p>"Please, no more madmen teenagers. Last time I caught Joff beating off to a hedgehog he tortured and killed." Barb's face creased further as her lips created a smirk. Adjusting her modest lilac turban that matched her lilac and blue plaid dress and apron, she shot back, "Better the woodland creatures torn and jizzed upon then my poor girls! I had to fill new positions after Joff's visits!"</p><p>Shuddering delicately, Sterling sipped his tea. "Even Joff couldn't make me leave my own exalted position. Luckily you all feel the very same way. We shall handle this as we do all things." Snorting, Barb asked, "By the skin of our teeth?" Hot Pie shot out, "You only have dentures." Gregor's paw swatted the young man's curly head. "Have respect for your elders." Sterling nearly yelled. "WE WILL HANDLE IT WITH DIGNITY AND CALM ACTIONS!"</p><p>Clicking her dentures, Barb observed, "Looks like someone forgot to take his blood pressure pills." Hot Pie groaned. "Hamburgers, hot dogs, fries and pizza. That is what teenagers eat. Might as well just order fast food and save my hands the trouble. Do they eat beef stew at least?" Gregor rolled his eyes. "They will eat what you serve them. Can you see yourself serving fries and hot dogs to Tywin Lannister?"</p><p>Sterling closed his eyes then opened them. Taking a deep breath, Sterling tried again. "These aren't savages, you know. These children were brought up in the Stark home. They know manners, they know correct behavior and are used to eating a similar style of cooking, I am sure. Let us give them the advantage of our welcoming arms, as Tywin wishes. No matter what they bring, we can make order out of it."</p><p>Gregor finished his tea and put the cup in the sink for Hot Pie to deal with. "What about this nanny? What's her name? Nancy? Nella? Ursula? Whatever it is. I hate new people. I ran a security check on her last week for Tywin. She's been involved with some fanatical church group. Her life was boring and colorless before the group. She's going to be a boring sour puss for us to deal with."</p><p>"What if she's snooty because she doesn't see us as equal?" Hot Pie asked as the other faces grew stiff and offended at the mere thought. Barb spoke first. "Tell you what, fat boy. If that uppity bitch decides to give you her advice on religion, tell her you are atheist. If she insults your cooking, tell her you will cook her for dinner next." Sterling finished his tea and washed his cup to put away. "We need to give Unella the benefit of our doubt."</p><p>Hot Pie allowed, "Well, Sansa has been eating every salad and she taught me a recipe for avocado toast that Jaime enjoys. And I don't mind making those lemon cakes too much. And she's very cultured for her age." Barb clicked her dentures at the cook. "Oh posh. You just like how she looks, you pedo wanna be. That girl leaves a pound of hair in that damned shower drain. Had to snake it twice!"</p><p>It turned out that the children would show a full three days before Unella would show. As Barb predicted it was indeed a shit show. By some freak miracle, Roose dropped off Arya at the same time that Cersei showed with the rest of the Stark kids. In spite of Sansa's dog Lady, Tywin forgot all the children had dogs. Large hairy slobbery dogs. Barb groaned and made a note to have the dogs all groomed and bathed.</p><p>Cersei nearly ran down the staff, trying to find Sansa. "Young lady, finish hugging your siblings later. Let's go to your room. I believe it's time for a talk. I hear you've become a woman. Let's talk about what that means, love." Cersei was happy to give the last gift to Catelyn Stark she ever could and have the talk a mother would have to her daughter. "Here's tea to ease cramps, socks to keep your feet warm and this book tells you everything that I might not mention."</p><p>It took a full hour for the staff to figure out they had too many guests. "Sir, it's been noted that there are more than six teenagers here. The smelliest two with the reddest eyes have the last name of Reed not Stark. Shall I remove them?" Tywin was overwhelmed but enjoying himself immensely, of their ages and life choices, no one in the Lannister mansion has enjoyed a true wild streak or adventure in some time.</p><p>"No, Sterling. They seem to bring comfort to the others so let them stay for a few days until everyone is settled in." Sterling felt they should be put out and the other kids perhaps locked in their rooms. He had no sense of adventure and did not feel Tywin's need for excitement. A screech sent Sterling running to find Hot Pie was being attacked by the giant dogs. The cook had a tray of cookies that had been meant for the kids being eaten by the dogs.</p><p>"NO NO! NEVER GIVE DOGS CHOCOLATE! WHAT'S WRONG WITH YOU?" Hot Pie and Sterling stared hard at Arya. She stared back harder until they shifted their eyes. Arya snapped her fingers and all the dogs ran to her and sat down obediently. "Just use command words. Sit. Stay. Down. Eat. Leave it. Got it? Great." Rolling her eyes, Arya walked away amid a crowd of dogs. "I won't survive this." Hot Pie groaned but Sterling fixed his ascot. "I will."</p><p>Gregor was the next one to approach Tywin. "Sir, there have been a few incidents with the kids. Barb nearly had a heart attack while making the beds this morning. She didn't expect to see a child OUTSIDE of the third story window, waving to her. The ancient crone thinks he might be a vampire. Hot Pie has lost two steaks and several trays of cookies to the ravenous dogs."</p><p>Tyrion and Jaime laughed and Tywin smiled gently. "Yes, it will be an adjustment with these unique children." Gregor smiled and nodded amicably. "Well, Sirs, perhaps the dogs would adjust better in the kennel with the hunting dogs that you have?" Frowning, they all shook their heads. Tyrion spoke. "Fine fellow, that would be a fine idea but for one thing. Our dogs are fierce workers and these are tamed wolf dogs. Wouldn't work out well."</p><p>Taking a deep breath, Gregor folded his hands together behind his back. "Very well. Oh, one last thing. Insignificant, really but I figure I'll mention it." With a small smirk, Gregor continued. "Your Targaryen antique collection of vases seem to have been turned into bongs by the Reeds and Jon and Rob are so high they broke two of the vases." Seeing the Lannisters lose their smiles instantly made Gregor feel better.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0022"><h2>22. When The Saint Comes Marchin'</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>The High Sparrow and the entire congregation was a little shocked by seeing the Lannister limousine with driver come for Unella. Lancel wasn't and he scoffed. "They like to keep control over their employees. They will allow you a house car if you don't like to use their limos and drivers. You will be given a cell phone, a nice room with everything you need. But freedom. They dole that out like money and time."</p><p>The High Sparrow arched his brow. "You said this would be a safe easy way to infiltrate a house of sinners and maybe save a few children. I am not sure this is the right way to do it. We put Unella at severe risk with all this luxury." His small smile said he was joking but a few might have worried if it were any else but Unella. Once she read a Jane Austen book and spent a full week in confessionals over it.</p><p>The problem was Unella discovered she enjoyed the book and Unella wasn't familiar with joy. When the church ladies cared for some foster kittens, Unella was allergic. She threw out the cats and brought geese as pets instead. The geese were responsible for several injuries from being bit or running from the biting geese. Or by slipping in goose dung. They did have the best lawn and pond around however.</p><p>Unella read all the books to line the dirty parts for the High Sparrow's censorship of the week book club. The week she read Fifty Shades of Grey by request, the group was sure it would fell her. The woman simply scoffed and got her highlighter turned to mush on the first chapter. With great pain, Unella donated her Yugo to the Sparrows before she left. Not a dry eye was left when Unella got into the limousine with only her favorite goose.</p><p>Finally, no one to ban fruit juice made with sugar, toast with jelly flavors and the occasional card game could be held again. They could order cable television and get one of those DVD players! Oh, just the sweet thought of watching a musical and dancing to it! The cook promised geese for supper and the cats were already being let back in.</p><p>Lancel burst into tears on the High Sparrow. "What have I just done? Did I punish Unella for being too perfect or did I punish my family for being too imperfect?" Smirking, he patted Lancel on his back. The priest advised, "Both. And both deserve it. Unella was getting bored, she needed a new challenge in her life. I am sure that Unella will find the fulfillment and joy she seeks in her new position."</p><p>Unella and her goose named Philip stared at the city all around them. Unella lowered the window and Philip honked to object to the smelly heat. Unella put up her window, allowing the cool car air to soothe their irritated nostrils. Humans stink worse than animals and Unella longed for the smells of goose dung and the moldy church walls.</p><p>Unella was not impressed by the high rise apartments nor the glass and silver buildings that housed businesses of every nature. Spiral gold churches offended her eye. The rolling ocean they passed was lovely but even the beaches were covered in trash and oiled up beach goers. An elaborate stone library, a few museums and now came the expensive gated homes.</p><p>The largest, most elaborate home belonged to the Lannisters, of course. A huge golden spiked gate with a intercom stopped the limousine driver until he pressed a button and entered his fingerprint. The gate opened slowly and the car smoothly went forth up a long gravel driveway. Huge expanses of green and woods, a stone garden with statues entertained the eye as the gravel crunched under the parking car.</p><p>Unella surveyed the very large man who was now in her way, smirking down at her. "Did you run away from a circus? Perhaps you didn't want to be a strong man anymore? Security suits you better with that brutal face. Do you have a name? Or a voice, do you have one of those?" Gregor scowled at her then growled out, "Name is Gregor. I am head of security. You are Unella Septa. I want to see your identification."</p><p>Gregor stared hard at the laminated plastic license then he stared hard at Unella while she rolled her eyes. Corn silk hair pulled into a no nonsense tidy bun. Ice cold blue eyes that streamed, shined with disapproval. Small hard breasts pressed against an ill fitting grey dress that allowed a peek at clean shaven well shaped calf. Gregor wanted to both murder and fuck this infuriating woman.</p><p>"Stop staring at me like I am a meal. I am not tasty or sweet. You are not a cannibal. I am here to care for six children. I must meet their foster family first. Please show me the way, Gregor." Nodding, yes, Gregor was going to do that and that's why he shoved her into his grip. Yes, of course and that is why his tongue is in her mouth. Unella reacted appropriately by nearly shoving the man into the wall while she devoured his mouth.</p><p>Unella has never kissed another person in her life. Raised by an absent minded brothel keeper, Unella never figured out which woman was her mother and no one ever really claimed her. That is why she felt perfect to work with these orphans. Unella had no good reason as to why she was molesting this man during her first interview since she was hired online. And she was wasting it kissing a strange circus freak runaway.</p><p>Gregor managed to break away and the two stood in frozen mortification as they caught their breath. Unella swung out and smacked Gregor's face. He slapped her face back but much lighter. "Woman beater!" Gregor snarled back, "Thirsty virgin." Unella brushed past the man and headed for the mansion front doors. She reached for the knocker just as the doors were pulled open from the inside.</p><p>A tall thin man with a slight twitch to his left eye stood there. His suit was impeccable but his ascot was just barely askew. Sad slow music came drifting from upstairs and at a high note, the eye would twitch. Unella found this fascinating. "Unella? Oh thank heavens its you! These kids are hellions and we won't last against them much longer. You are a savior. At least we hope you will be!"</p><p> </p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0023"><h2>23. Best Job Ever</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>These Boots Are Made For Walking by Nancy Sinatra<br/>Adele-Rolling In The Deep</p>
          </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Quivering with indignation, Barbary marched past Sterling to face Unella. In the shriveled hand was a bag full of used pads wrapped in enough paper to create a small softball. Since Sansa had gotten her period, she's been rapidly filling up the upstairs tiny trash barrel with her used products. Barbary felt that the girl used far too much toilet paper. And if the girl bled as much as she used up these pads, the girl would have needed a blood transfusion.</p><p>"Lemoncakes has a darker side...and it's bright fucking red. I think if Cersei didn't talk to her, I was going to have to! Could you see Sterling or Gregor trying to explain the red tide? And to make it worse, girl just broke up with her boyfriend so she's extra prone to prissy fits. Her mother taught her to cry into her pillow...that's not the problem. The redheaded vixen plays the same few sad songs over and over, she sings them so pretty. It sounds moving and pretty the first few times. The fortieth time you wonder when she will go mute."</p><p>Sterling turned bright red as he shoved Barbary and her repulsive cargo away. "Toss that out. Buy a slightly larger barrel with a lid for the upstairs bathroom, please. That is all, Barbary. I will bring Unella to the servants quarters after she meets with the family." The wizened older woman eyed Unella and asked, "Are you naturally a prude or was it because of the religious cult? At least your pretty-ish. You should smile more." Barbary shuffled onward, leaving Unella to stand, quivering with indignation. "That was the head of housekeeping, Barbary. She is rather cantankerous."</p><p>Unella simply nodded and she winced as Adele echoed in the marble foyer. "I believe the Lannister men are waiting for you in the formal parlor. Please follow me, Unella. We are informal here and all use our first names. You will refer to Tywin and his sons, Jaime and Tyrion as Sir. Uh, you do not have an issue with...little people, do you?" Unellla shook her head. "God makes us in his image." Rolling his eyes, Sterling snapped, "We do not speak or politics or religion in this house. We keep our opinions on such things to ourselves."</p><p>Adele wailed that they could have had it all, Sansa's voice wavering slightly over it as they reached the parlor. Sterling opened the french doors and all three men began to wail as loud as the music. "Shut the damned door!" "Oh no, fucking Adele!" "Please, I beg you, my ears are BLEEDING!" Sterling quickly ushered Unella inside. "This is the new nanny, Unella!"</p><p>Sterling practically slammed the door shut as he headed back into a world of belting angst. Tywin sat straight up behind his small writing desk but his tie was loosen and he was missing a cuff link. Jaime and Tyrion sat slumped over the couch, Jaime was enjoying a snifter of brandy and Tyrion was filling his wine goblet. Unella stared at Tyrion hard then at his brother before snapping, "Gentlemen, it is only ten in the morning!"</p><p>Tywin folded his hands and spoke smoothly. "My apologies, madam, you misunderstand. These are MY sons, Jaime and Tyrion. The children are upstairs right now I believe. You may treat my sons with the same respect you will use with me. The children would be your sole responsibility if you are hired."</p><p>Unella tilted her head and smirked. "Sir, have you checked to see which of your bottles might be watered down? Can you not detect that smell of weed that is tickling my nose? And that crash that we just heard that rattled your furniture? Sounds like your staff is ready to run for their lives. You need me, Sir. I apologize for sounding censuring to another adult. It will not happen again." Every Lannister was sure that was not true.</p><p>Tywin deliberately looked unimpressed. "The only reason you are here is because Lancel recommended you. Let us have a one week trial. I will pay you for the full week regardless of the outcome." Unella shook his hand firmly enough for him to wince. "Thank you Sir. You won't be sorry." Tywin lifted his cell phone and spoke crisply into it. "Yes, Sterling. Please send the children to us so they may meet Unella."</p><p>Jaime smirked and Tywin chuckled. "Unella, have you had all your shots, I hope?" Unella nodded. "I am fully vaccinated, Sir. Ready to work." Smiling, Tyrion added, "Helmet, knee-pads, maybe a shield and you'd be ready for the younger ones. Gas mask and ear plugs to deal with the three oldest. Sansa almost dyed her lovely hair black until Jaime talked her out of it." Jaime winked and he picked up the story from there.</p><p>"Sansa thought about cutting it and Arya talked her out of that. Arya warned her that she would secretly tell the hairdresser that Sansa really desired a mowhawk. Instead she went so deep and rebellious that all of us were shocked. Sansa stopped showering or washing her hair except once a week. She plays her music, wears the same few sweat suits and wails music all the time."</p><p> Unella took that in and had time to do so. It apparently took ten minutes to collect all the children.</p><p>Unella stood tall and patient as the motley group staggered into the room. First was a young boy in a Star Wars sweatshirt, holding onto a gaming device. "I'm Rickon. Nice to meet you. Do you game?" Unella wanted to answer, "No, I pray." But she remembered Sterling's warning. Smiling slightly at the cute kid, she bent down slightly. "I do not game. I would love to learn though. Do you think you could teach me?" Rickon's face lit a little bit.</p><p>"Thanks, I would like that." Unella smiled back. Tyrion belched slightly and pointed at Rickon. "Honey Badger! They look nice, all Starks do but don't let your guard down!" Rob and Jon seemed to float into the room. Rob leaned against the wall and after a moment or two, so did Jon. Both of them landed half lids and red eyes upon the woman. "Holy shit, did you get one of those old fashioned nannies? I'm seventeen and Jon is sixteen! We don't need a nanny."</p><p>Unella arched an eyebrow and her voice was a pretty mouth with sharp teeth.</p><p>"Oh no? Two teenagers with still developing brains that plan to go to college, doing drugs now? That doesn't sound like a very responsible teenager that doesn't need supervision." Both boys turned a bit flushed but their eyes were full of lazy challenge. "I will be checking to see if you've been swiping from the family bars as well. And the wine cellar. Might as well stop drinking and drugging now." Jon rolled his eyes and Rob sneered but they both remained silent.</p><p>Bran and Arya came speeding by on roller skates, circling Unella and coming to a stop near their brothers. Arya faced Unella, rolling into Jon, who held her steady. "Is this what a nanny looks like? You look sour and boring. Prove me wrong." Unella smirked. "I will prove to you that I am indeed a nanny. And you have proven to be a thief. Please return my watch this instant, young lady." Shrugging, Arya gave her back the watch. </p><p>Sansa strode into the room in a flood of dramatic music and she was dressed only in Cersei's old dressing gown, her long hair tangled, unwashed. She held a silk white handkerchief that Tywin had given her the other day. "I cannot deal with some nanny, Sirs! I just heard that Joff asked Margeary out. Not that I care, I am STAYING friends with Marge because I am above those petty jealousies. I don't care. But I am trying to RECOVER my heart."</p><p>Unella didn't miss Sansa's eyes fluttering at an uncomfortable Jaime. </p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>Please check out my link below. It would help me be able to continue putting out my stories. Thank you!<br/>https://www.patreon.com/nannerverse</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0024"><h2>24. Trying to Fit In</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>Hang On Sloopy by The McCoys</p>
          </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Unella wasn't impressed by the house anymore than the folks in it. These people have allowed the money to create a wall between them and everyone else. She wasn't intimidated.</p><p>Unella wasn't scared or bothered by the huge wolf dogs wandering everywhere. In fact, there was one in Unella's new room. Barbary chuckled in a raspy phlegm cough. "That's Arya's wolf dog. Some strange name, sounds western. Nimrod or something that sounds like that. Dog is tame, she never growls at anyone." Instantly the dog began to growl and tense.</p><p>Without hesitation walked over to the dog and said calmly, "You are on MY bed. OFF!" Nymeria gave a hurt look to Unella before jumping off the bed and running off to her owner. Looking over at the stunned housekeeper, Unella said a bit spicily, "Should I mention that I trained Mastiffs for a breed rescue? I also trained a doberman that was aggressive. I do know what I am doing, you may tell that to the rest of the staff. Gossip it if you wish." </p><p>Phillip was ruffling his feathers and Barbary jumped when it honked rather rudely at her. "WHAT IS THAT THING DOING IN THE HOUSE?"</p><p>Calmly, Unella picked up the goose and smoothed down it's thick feathers. "You allow wolf dogs to be in your home. It's been proven that Wolf dogs are dangerous and no one should own them. Here are six of them owned by children. Want to argue the logic with me? Fine, I will see the Lannisters and ask that it be fair. ALL animals outside only then. Would that suit you?"</p><p>Watery ice chip eyes clashed with granite eyes. Phillip sneaked behind Barbary and bit her in the buttock. Giving a harsh caw of pain, Barbary looked away first. "Thank you for understanding, Barbary." Unella gently shut the door in the confused swearing old woman's face. She heard a last expletive that made her wince then silence. Unella shook her head. It would be hard going to get along with this crazy group of servants.</p><p>Hot Pie had been in the kitchen and he tried to force feed her a brownie. It was too rich and probably not healthy for the kids. Hot Pie burst into tears when she told him. Today was the day for the gardeners to show so Tywin had ordered all the dogs to stay inside until they were done working. Meticulously, the man and his few workers gently and carefully laid out new garden flowers in precise spots to catch the sun or the eye.</p><p>Unella watched him out the window for a moment. Gregor wandered outside to speak to the gardener who was almost as big as Gregor himself. Except this gardener had some sort of terrible scar on his face, hidden by long greasy hair. Dismissing the window, Unella turned to see Phillip preening himself on her bed. "Oh ho, you aren't sleeping there. Why don't we set up your hutch for tonight? Then I shall go observe everything today!"</p><p>Unella unzipped and unfolded the expensive dog house modified. It now holds hay, a heater and his favorite toy, a tie he ripped off a man he sent running. The man was spanking a toddler and the goose flew over the park to attack this one man, biting at his head until he stopped hurting the child. Phillip stole the tie and fell in love with the pink polka dot silk fabric.</p><p>"Phillip, I think we have our work cut out for us. I need you to get rid of those dogs, poppet. They are so furry and drooly, its disgusting. There are just too many pets running amok along with the kids. I think we need you to get those dogs riled enough to make a mess." The bird took the woman at her word. Being that he was a goose he probably did not understand her words, but intent can be so strong, even a goose can feel it.</p><p>Phillip tapped his beak on the door and she opened it for him to let him get to work. Unella changed her dress and tightens her bun, ready to start with her observation of today. Unella made it downstairs just as Phillip did his job and is flying low, the wolf dogs chasing behind him. The dogs looked ready to bite Phillip and Unella got tense. Sterling opened the door just in time and the flood ran out.</p><p>The largest wolf managed to rip out a few feathers from his backside and Phillip seemed concerned with the wolf eating him. The group all ran after the low flying bird. Not a single thought was given to Sandor's lovely gardens. New flowers flew into the air along with the mulch. Gregor began to bellow for the children to get their dogs. Sandor was in a nasty stream of hollered curses so spicy that many of those words made Unella gasp.</p><p>But her intention was met, the gardens were ruined by the dogs chasing after Phillip. The goose attempted to take the dogs right out the ajar side gate. Rob came to the door and gave an ear piercing whistle. All the furry beasts slunk away from the garden, back inside. Phillip set down into the garden and began to eat the wreckage. </p><p>Unella managed to check every corner of the house for party drugs of any kind. She also went into the cars of Jon and Rob. "I could open my damned shop! Look at how much I've accumulated." She brought the drugs to Tyrion, who stared then reached up to take all of it. "I personally will investigate this." Unella sighed and said flatly, "You are going to use those drugs."</p><p>Tyrion chuckled and moved fast before Unella's claws got the pot and pills back. "Sorry, Unella but that's mine now. And remember what father said about telling on me? I'm not one of your charges. Bye now. Great hunting!" Unella wrote in her notebook the incident and snapped her book shut. A blue dress pocket received her notes. Unella had no idea that when Arya and Bran "helped" bring up all her stuff that they had gone into the clothing.</p><p>The kids had split the stitches on some of her pockets, hoping for something embarrassing to fall out. Arya waited until Unella left the room before picking up the fallen notebook. Maybe something in here she could use and she took it upstairs to hide for a quick read.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0025"><h2>25. Catch and Evade</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>Charlie Brown by The Coasters</p>
          </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Tywin's nostrils quivered with indignation. "What is that awful smell?" Gregor sighed. "It could be Arya or Bran who don't really care about bathing. Or Rickon who never bathes at all. But I am betting it's the Reeds that you smell, Sir." Jaime chimed in. "Like a mix of ammonia, cat piss and body odor all mixed underneath something sweetly rotten?" Tywin nodded. "Yes that is it!" Gregor and Tyrion both responded. "That's the Reeds."</p><p>Tywin grimaced and hid his nose beneath his perfumed handkerchief. "I don't remember fostering the Reeds. Why are they here?" Gregor snarled, "Squatting is what they are doing. Taking advantage of others. I will smash them for you." Tyrion gently suggested, "How about just kicking them out?" Thus began Gregor's own personal vendetta. He swore to eradicate the nasty squatters.</p><p>Gregor went to the west wing where Rob and Jon resided. The extra guest room to their left seemed to be leaking a noxious fume. Gregor pounded on the door. "REEDS! YOU HAVE OVERSTAYED YOUR WELCOME." A creaking sound and a very bleary red eye was staring way way up at him. "Wassup, man? Aw, evicted? Okay, you got it. We'll be out of your uh, hair real soon. Thanks for letting us stay as long as you did. We are grateful, aren't we, Meara?"</p><p>Gregor had trouble believing they were grateful but he rushed to get away from the instant contact high. His nose was offended but his mind was pleasantly floating a bit above ground. After about thirty minutes, Gregor decided to make sure they were packing. The room was utterly bare as if was never used. Satisfied, Gregor moved on with his usual rounds for the day.</p><p>Sandor was sullenly trying to repair the garden to the best of his ability. "Fucking flowers everywhere! Those wolves heartily fucked me over! And now there's goose shit everywhere. Disgusting and the bitch don't clean it up. Now someone is burning grass...why do I bother? Gonna just make me a fancy rock garden. Fuck this shit." Gregor gagged on Gorilla Glue and didn't even know it.</p><p>Using his nose, Gregor floated towards the garden shed that the Reeds were setting up shop in. "Didn't I kick you two out of here?" Smiling agreeably, the twins grabbed their trash bags full of stuff and took off. Gregor meant to walk them out the gate, make sure they left for good this time. "Hey, man, you look a little baked. Did we accidentally goldfish you? Hey, look at that sunset!"</p><p>Gregor stopped dead to stare in wonder at the first sunset he ever fully watched . Sitting down on the stone bench at the fountain, Gregor watched the sunset and wondered why he never did before. Gregor got a great idea and decided to act on it. In spite of his bulk, Gregor managed to sneak into Unella's room and steal a pair of her clean white grandmother underwear. Gregor did unspeakable things to them before the high wore off.</p><p>The Reeds became Gregor's thorn in his side. No matter how often he tried, Gregor can't get fully rid of the damned Reeds. It was like being infested with red squirrels or raccoons. They are adorable and have their uses but you don't want them inside either. The Reeds were found in the attic, the basement, every shed on the estate. Currently, they have found an empty cottage on the tail end of the estate, it was near the swampy area no one uses.</p><p>Unella tried to speak with Sansa.</p><p>"Chocolate will give you acne and headaches. Sansa, I have met Joffrey and I cannot understand why you would be crying over him. You did break up with him, correct? Then its all over. Dry your eyes and find something productive to do. Find better friends, too. Your friend Jeyne is just a social climber and will do anything to kiss your ass. You need a friend that will be meaner and stronger for you."</p><p>"Jeyne is my best friend! And Joff was special to me until he started to hit me! And Marge is my friend, like Walda is my friend but Jeyne is the only one I can really talk to." Unella found herself talking to a door seconds later. Unella knocked on Arya's door but was greeted by a super soaker of bleach. Unella took away Arya's phone and gave her the bill for the replacement of one dress.</p><p>In reaction to the dogs living in the kennels, Rickon and Bran filled all Unella's shoes with dog shit. In reaction, Unella gave each of the boys a quick spanking that had such vigor that left both boys teary eyed. "I am all for laughing at good fun. So I will laugh for you this time, eh?"   Jon and Rob were caught by Unella hiding the Reeds in their rooms.</p><p>Jon and Rob lost their phones and their car keys to Unella but the Reeds got away before Gregor could get there.</p><p> </p>
  </div></div>
</body>
</html>